Monday, December 31, 2012

"She looks single..but she's not."

Is what someone said about me recently. I didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. Did this person think that I acted like a single person instead of a wife and mother? Or maybe they thought "How can she always be so put together, wear 4 in heels, bake 2 dozen cupcakes AND have a toddler???"

Whatever the case, I opt to believe that the latter is true. (Yes, yes, all the months of having all of the vital nutrients sucked out of me by little asian baby due to breastfeeding has made me delirious and delusional.)

Anyway, it got me thinking about my single days. My "glory days" as asian husband pointed out.

OH HOW I MISS THEM SO!

The days where waking up "early" meant anytime before noon, dinner could be eaten at 9:30PM, and your DVR recordings were filled with trashy reality TV shows and episodes of Grey's Anatomy instead of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Bubble Guppies. You could go clubbing every weekend dressed like a hooker and people thought you were FUN and HOT instead of irresponsible and slutty. The days where instead of disposable diapers you had disposable boyfriends and the only REAL responsibility you had was to make sure to remember to take your birth control pill everyday.

Am I right?

Not that I don't love my life now...... ... .. . BUT when I think about who I was then and who I am now it's a WORLD of difference. As I told my mom friends this past weekend,

"I used to be the girl that all the guys would buy drinks for and now...I'm the mom that bakes."

Oh well, I guess it's good that my life has evolved and grown, because if I was STILL that girl who dressed like a hooker out in the clubs every weekend and sleeping in until noon with my disposable boyfriend.....

I'd have my own reality TV show! (Or at least be a cast member in one!) And 20 something year olds the world over would have MY show recorded on their DVR!

-little asian girl

Sunday, December 30, 2012

"You're wearing slippy socks..

..not grippy socks, so when you're walking along the dining table bench throwing the cushions off, while making your way to the blinds in an attempt to rip them off....just be careful."

Words I NEVER thought I'd be saying to little asian baby. We were getting ready to leave the house for my sister's bday dinner and was just busy packing everything imaginable for those "just in case she has explosive diahrrea and needs a haz-mat suit.." kind of scenarios. (What? You know that's how you pack when leaving the house with your toddler too. Don't think I'm crazy~!) It's like an act from a circus when we have to leave. Asian husband and I race back and forth packing things like diapers, wipes, baby cup, forks, spoons, birth certificate.. And while we do that, little asian baby has free, unsupervised, well PARTIALLY unsupervised, reign over the house.

So was the case today. During this window of time, little asian baby climbed up onto the dining room bench (yeah, she can do that now) and decided to walk across it while pushing all the pillows in her path onto the floor. Her main objective was to get to the blinds that hang from the window at the end of the bench. She is O-B-S-E-SS-ED with blinds. She just likes to swat them back and forth, peek through them, see if she can hang herself with them...you know..regular toddler stuff. To help you better imagine what the area of the house I am referring to looks like, here is a picture. Oh, and no, my dining area does not always look this festive and neat. Usually there random things all over, but this day was baby's 1st birthday party so I made it look festive and neat. Anyway, the dining bench is where the pillows are and you can see the window to the right with the blinds.


The bench, actually is a long cabinet with doors that slide from side to side. I store small kitchen appliances there, out of sight, but this has nothing to do with the story. I just like to tell you things about my dining area.

Anyway, the point is, that there are many things that I never thought I would do as a parent that I now do. All the time. Things like letting little asian baby watch TV so I can get dinner made or take a shower. Or allow little asian baby to run around the house during meals without sitting in a high chair. But what you THINK you're going to do BEFORE you have kids and what actually happens AFTER you have them are two different things.

Trust me.

Those of you who have kids know what I'm talking about, and those of you who don't have kids yet pass judgement on all us mothers who do...just you wait. And I promise I won't say "I TOLD YOU SO SUCKA!" when you send me your deeply apologetic email. (well I don't really PROMISE..wait..yes I do..no..well....yeah..no I don't.)

I guess instead of "You're wearing slippy socks, not grippy socks, so when you're walking along the dining table bench throwing the cushions off, while making your way to the blinds in an attempt to rip them off...just be careful." I SHOULD of said "No. We do not walk along the bench. We do not throw cushions on the floor. We DO NOT play with the blinds!"

but.

I'm tired.

So I just let her play on the bench.

Now, whoever still thinks that stay at home moms just eat bon bons all day while watching telanovelas, as their babies take 5 hr naps, shouldn't run into me in the parking lot of Gymboree. I'll club you with my kids diaper wipe case and stab you with her baby fork. I don't have the energy to carry a tantrum throwing toddler off the bench and into the living room area 6 ft away for the 10th time that minute, only to have her run back up and onto the bench. Again. I'd rather let her walk the bench peacefully, keep her in good spirits and try to stave off any further meltdowns. And if you reference the above photo, you can see that the table is basically pushed up against the bench and that there is a WALL on the other side so it's not like she could have fallen or anything. Besides, I was sitting within arms reach of her the whole time.

So pass judgement all you want, tell your friends that you know a little asian girl that has NO IDEA how to raise a child, but it's cool. I'm not phased by it. At least for that one moment in time, little asian baby was happy and there was peace in all the land.

Until I had to take her off the bench so that we could leave.....

-little asian girl

Saturday, December 29, 2012

My 100th Post!

Dear Parentals,

This is a contract drawn up by me (little asian baby) for you (the parentals) to cement in writing the rules and regulations of the household. This contract is to be signed with your blood, sweat AND tears to ensure the proper and happy upbringing of me (again, little asian baby) by you (again, the parentals). Let it be known that if this contract is breached in any sort of way I will initiate any and or all combinations of the destruction sequences as mentioned below.

First, in regards to discipline. There will be none. I will not be accepting any sort of punishment for my actions. Even if I drop the laptop into the tub or throw my food at the TV, you will smile, promptly clean up the mess and carry on with your day. If you try to give me a time out, sternly say "NO, THAT IS NOT ALLOWED", or try to implement any other sort of boundaries I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Lock myself in the bedroom where only SOME of the cabinets have locks and where one of the outlets doesn't even have a cover.
C. Run around the house destroying everything that is precious, new or valuable to you. (You know I know what those are.)

Second, in regards to food. I will NOT be accepting any offerings of food from you 99% of the time. Only when you figure out the right, temperature, texture, combination of flavors, time of day and amount of food on the spoon will I ALLOW you to feed me 3 bites. If you do not follow these strict protocols I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Go on a hunger strike and force myself to lose 2 pounds.
C. Go back to nursing every two hours like I did when I was a newborn.

Third, in regards to attention. YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO ME AT ALL TIMES OF THE DAY AND NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT! THIS IS NON NEGOTIABLE. Doesn't matter if I'm watching TV and making no sort of contact with you or if I am napping in the other room you must always, ALWAYS be paying attention to me. If you do not then I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Become the worlds CLINGIEST toddler for next four months.
C. Deliver you a swift kick in the head.

Lastly, (but definitely NOT the least of your problems) sleep. I will get AS MUCH AS I WANT, and you will get none. If you try to force me to nap, force me to sleep earlier, force me to wake up later or force me to take more naps in a day than I want I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Wake prematurely from every single nap for as long as I deem appropriate and be irritable and a pain for the rest of the day.
C. Change up my sleep routine everyday so that you will NEVER be able to have a life.

You will happily and willfully sign this agreement, because you brought me into this world and therefore are responsible for my life and well being. I will also require you to love me unconditionally, shower me with hugs and kisses everyday, carry me around like a prince/princess and make sure I don't have any traumatizing, emotionally damaging or physically scarring experiences.

This contract is forever binding and the terms can never be negotiated.

Signed: DAD & MOM        Date: December 29, 2012


No, we didn't teach her how to give the finger..she just came out of the womb knowing how to do that.

-little asian girl

Friday, December 28, 2012

That's parenthood folks!

Anyone who knows little asian baby can say that she has an AMAZING life. Not just AMAZING, but AWESOME, WONDERFUL, LUCKY, ENRICHED, all around SPECTACULAR life.

I mean who wouldn't love a life that requires NO work? At all. You get to play all day, everyday, and not only at the boring old house, but you get to go to parks, play gyms, friend's houses, malls, craft stores, markets, home improvement stores.... And plain old jarred baby food? NO WAY! You get homemade food, that sometimes is SPECIALLY made for you and your constantly changing palate. Never mind that you basically refuse to eat 98% of what your mother makes for you, but imagine if the ONLY choices you had were pureed carrots or peas. You would starve to death. Did I also forget to mention that you have the freedom to pee and poop anywhere, anytime you want? Not only is that awesome, but you don't even have to let anyone know what has happened. Your parents automatically change and clean you up in a timely manner! And even if you've drawn on the wall for the 109th time today and decided to throw all the couch cushions on the floor so that no one can sit comfortably, all you have to do is giggle and your parents forgive and forget for the 1983rd time. Today.

Yup, that's the wonderful life of a toddler.

So this morning, as I was trying to get little asian baby to eat just ONE of the THREE different types of fruit smoothie concoctions I made for her, asian husband said:

"Little baby, you're so lucky that you have such a great mama who makes such delicious things for you to eat!"

Little asian baby said:

 "No."

That's parenthood folks!

-little asian girl

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Christmas Picture

For the past two years, asian husband and his cousins got together for a "Cousins Christmas". Now all the cousins are married with kids of their own and we are all around the same age. Therefore we have kids that range from about 4 months old to 7 years old. Last year we tried taking the first annual 2nd generation cousins picture to commemorate the first annual cousins christmas. And like with all pictures that involve more than one child, it was basically impossible to have all the children, sitting, smiling, and looking in the same direction.

Here is what went down last year:

*Note that little asian baby is not in any of the photos, not because she wasn't there, but because she barely had neck control and definitely could not sit up on her own. She basically would have had to lay down somewhere on the couch and risk getting trampled by her cousins*

So this is how we STARTED out....
"OK EVERYONE WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THE PICTURE!"
Now notice the baby on the very far left, Malakai,  is out of the picture. It was probably because he got off the couch. 


OK, Malakai is back, but now Harvey, whose brother was climbing over him is gone.


Now both Malakai and Harvey are out of the picture, and looks like baby Paxton (baby on the left) is just about done with the picture taking scenario too.


NOW THIS YEAR!!!
TA DA!!!


All looking in (relatively looking in) the same direction, no one is crying, no one is climbing on a sibling, and we even got someone to hold baby Zoey who can't sit up on her own yet. 

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!!

Now I'm not saying that this picture was easy to get by any means. It wasn't like "OK KIDS PICTURE TIME SAY CHEESE!" In actuality, asian husband took about 20 photos to get this ONE. 

Most of the pictures were like this:

What are the 3 on the right looking at? And why is Paxton LICKING the banister?
and like this...

Little Asian Baby is about to go into meltdown mode...

and even like this...

and there we go into meltdown mode~

But as long as we can prove that we had one good photo, that's all the kids will see and remember and only the parents will know the true story behind the "perfect" photo. 

Maybe it'll be easier next year....

-little asian girl

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Mama the Rolling Pin

A poem by little asian girl.

Little asian baby does not sleep through the night.
She wakes by the hour if all is not right.
Little asian mama tries all that she can,
but only the boob will send her off to dreamland.

So all night long mama rolls back and forth,
Left side, right side, then left side of course!
I feel like a rolling pin, I think to myself,
Can I ask Santa for a breastfeeding elf?

"WHEN WILL IT END!" I say almost daily.
Then I think, she's just a baby.
Will I miss it? Probably? Maybe?
But until then I'll just do what works for my baby.

-little asian girl

Friday, December 21, 2012

"oh my."

Is what I said to myself as I glanced back at little asian baby sleeping in her car seat while we were driving to Little O's house for our first Christmas party. Which was SUPER fun by the way! Little O's mom almost took herself out when the champagne cork popped unexpectedly and Baby M's mom almost had a heart attack right there in the kitchen. Good times. Unfortunately, since I'm a lame photographer, these are the only pictures I have from the whole 3 hours we were there. Don't judge me.

Little Asian Baby waiting for something... Little O enjoying a beverage.

ahh! There it is the BUBBLE! Little O still enjoying her beverage.

and !POP! Little O done enjoying her beverage
Anyway, like I said. Fun party. Ok so now back to the point.

As I have mentioned before, traveling anywhere with little asian baby is always an unpredictable venture. Sometimes she'll be perfectly content for the entire trip as long as I play the same Mickey Mouse clubhouse CD OVER AND OVER again while she fiddles with her sun shade, and other times as soon as I open the car door to put her in she starts becoming the spawn of satan. And although she would be perfectly happy bouncing around like a pinball free and unrestrained in the back of the car...the laws of motherhood and this great nation of ours requires me to use a car seat. Don't get me wrong, there are many more good days than bad, now that she's getting older. And I think she understands that sitting in the car seat is NOT negotiable. (although she does try and try and try to renegotiate the terms all the time) However, on the bad days, and especially when she is tired, she screams and squirms and wiggles and writhes...(sounds like an excerpt from one of those "teaching a lesson" stories...like Hansel and Gretel or something..poor kids...) and lately she uses every fiber of her being to try and get out from under the straps. Of course she is unsuccessful, because they make those things so that even Houdini himself couldn't get out from them, but she pulls and yanks and screeches and shrieks (there's that story again..) and when she finally tires herself out she looks like this...


Now as you can see, little asian baby is no longer centered in the seat. She has managed to push herself all the way to one side, using the door as leverage. (as shown by her foot still up against it) She also used her right had to push herself away from the right side, hoping to just eject herself out sideways. She did manage once to free one of her arms from under the straps, but I blame that on poor execution of the initial putting baby in car seat technique. Anyways, so when I finally looked back at little asian baby and saw her like this "OH my" is what I said. Then I promptly pulled into the next available parking lot and shifted her so that she was centered, upright, and not in an acrobatic pose.

So until our next car trip...

-little asian girl signing off

Thursday, December 20, 2012

"Stop it...mamma's napping.."

Is what I say to little asian baby as I try to nap along side her.

Well actually, she has already finished with her nap and is ready to continue with her day. I on the other hand, well, am not.

Like any mother,

well like any mother who still nurses her toddler,

and whose toddler only takes one nap a day,

and still doesn't sleep through the night.....

*siGh*

she, meaning I, am very very sleep deprived. I basically haven't had a solid 8 or even a solid 4 hours of sleep since little asian was born SIXTEEN months ago. People think that gold or diamonds are precious commodities, but I don't think so dude (yes, I feel comfortable enough with you to start calling you "dude" and "man") But anyway, in any household with young children, sleep is the most precious and elusive commodity around. I mean most of the time I have no clue what day it is, what time it is, and the last time I took a shower, I completely forgot to wash my body. I just shampooed and conditioned my hair. Sad thing is I didn't even realized until hours later. Oops! Luckily I didn't venture out into public that day, and only asian husband knew what I had, or should I say hadn't done. And the next time we meet, we can all just pretend I don't smell like diaper cream and baby food. Thanks man.

So with all that being said, I try to nap whenever baby naps, but like many stay at home moms who still have to cook and clean and take care of the house I rarely get to do so. However, today I had no laundry to fold, no dishes to wash, all the Christmas presents were wrapped, so I decided to get a few extra Z'z in. (no that wasn't a typo, just showing you how clever I am!) I think I was asleep for maybe 15 minutes when I felt little asian baby roll over me. Yes you read it right, she rolled OVER me. Little booty, legs, and feet in my face and all.

"Stop it...mamma's napping."

Then she decided to try and pull the pillow out from under my head. I guess her logic was, "if momma can't use the pillow then momma can't sleep." At least she's exercising her problem solving skills right? SMARTEST BABY EVER!!

"Stop it....mamma's napping."

When the pillow thing didn't work, she proceeded to LIFT MY FACE! She straight up put her hands under my head and tried to lift, sound effects and all.

"OK OK!"

Next time I'll just sleep on the couch.

-little asian girl

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Christmas 2012

Like all parents who want to show off how cute their children have become at the end of every year, asian husband and I attempted to take ONE, JUST ONE, cute holiday photo of little asian baby. Yes, yes we could have done the traditional picture with Santa (ahahaha..I typed satan the first time) but since little asian baby is afraid of even cartoon Santa's we decided to go another route.

Now, I would like to tell you that we went out into the freezing cold Christmas tree lot, searched high and low for the "perfect" Christmas tree, spent 5,000 dollars on coordinating ornaments, lights, and Christmas tree skirt to create the perfect holiday scene for the photo.....

but we just went to my brother in laws house and used his tree, just like we did last year.

This is the photo that we used last year, when all we had to do was plop her down in one place and snap photo after photo until everything was perfect.


THIS is what happened this year.....

not really into taking a "holiday" photo
might have been trying to give us the finger....not quite sure...
nothing needs to be said here...

So THIS is the photo we ended up using....

Before

After

Thank goodness for an asian husband who can create a christmas photo card out of a regular photo! Little asian baby and I are two lucky girls! 

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

-little asian girl

Monday, December 17, 2012

"Are you for real right now?"

Long time ago, when asian husband and I was watching some sort of Dateline special or something, there was a story of a teenager who got shot by his crazy "lover" who was actually an old lady. And I mean like mid 50's 250lb deranged lunatic who was all types of CRaZeEe "lover" (Obviously she was a pedophile, but that's not the point of this story.) Anyway, the teenager who survived the shooting was saying that when he was shot he said to her "Are you for real right now? Did you just shoot me right now?"

Now as tragic as the story is, asian husband and I thought it was funny that after being shot that's what you would say. ( yes, yes we're heartless like that...OK OK actually I'M the heartless one...asian husband is actually a saint..but whatever. OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!!!!!)

........

Anyways, if I were that kid I would have been like "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU F-ING BEECH!!!!!" (since I don't use profanity. except damn. and ass. and sometimes crap.)

..... don't judge me ....

but I guess the poor kid was just in shock.

Why am I telling you this you ask? No, I'm not going to confess that I just shot asian husband "for real right now", but I'm rambling on about a dateline special we saw years ago to say that now, every time something ridiculous happens, asian husband and I quote those words of astute observation.

So when we went to Costco last weekend, we had cause to utter those famous words.

I have a love hate relationship with Costco. I mean where else can you feel pure unadulterated happiness upon finding the 1000 lb bag of flour for 2 bucks and the bright burning rage of bumper to bumper cart traffic? Right? So we were in the parking lot, little asian baby in toe, waiting for the ONE parking spot that opened out of hundreds available WHICH WERE ALL TAKEN TOO! (It's like NO ONE ever really leaves Costco or the parking lot, but people keep going in.) We were patiently waiting with our blinker CLEARLY blinking WHEN A CAR ACTUALLY DROVE AROUND US AND TOOK OUR SPOT!

"ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???"

It was an old elderly couple. Like grandma is in a walker and grandpa might keel over if someone drives over his oxygen tank tube kind of old. We were annoyed, but another spot opened up RIGHT next to the one that had been STOLEN from us so we were some what ok with it.

AND THEN ANOTHER CAR JUST DRIVES RIGHT INTO THE SPACE WE WERE CLEARLY WAITING FOR!!

"ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???

AND IT WAS ANOTHER OLD GRANDPA MAN AGAIN!!!!!! and this one was wearing those black out shades, like the kind you get after eye surgery to block all light from burning your retinas. Yeah that grandpa guy!

GEEESH!! YO ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW SENIOR CITIZEN PEOPLE????

So I decided that when I get old and senile, I'm not going to give a shit about anybody and do whatever the hell I want and drive all fucking crazy and if people don't like it then they can take it up with my cojones~ (that's spanish for BALLS!)

and yeah I'm "FOR REALZ RIGHT NOW!"

-little asian girl OUT~

Friday, December 14, 2012

"She's like a dare devil ninja"

So as with all toddlers, little asian baby likes to do things that could potentially cause her to break an arm or get a concussion. 

She likes to STAND on her ROCKING chair.


She likes to climb onto the stack of water bottles.
I have actually seen her STANDING on top of the bottles, but don't have any physical evidence of that. Yet.


LOVES to play sitting on the counter. 
(Although, I think I am to blame for this one, because I put her there while I'm trying to get ready. I KnoW I kNOW...BABY'S GONNA FALL!)

She's trying to "eat" a water droplet here, just in case you were wondering what she was doing. 
And her latest attempt to cheat death (or at least a serious injury), is to climb onto the coffee table using the couch as a stepping stone. HuH? WhAt? How the heck does she do that you ask? Well, the coffee table used to be pushed right up against the couch (in order to prevent her from going into yet another dangerous corner of the house...maybe we should rearrange the furniture......) Anyways, so the getting onto the coffee table was super easy. Then I decided I would push the table AwAy from the couch so that she couldn't just step right onto it. 

so I thought...

Little asian baby decided to plank herself across the gap superman style. THEN she sort of like army crawled her way across the gap, using the sides of the table as leverage to pull herself across the gap completely. (too bad I don't have a photo. yet.)

Then she stood up on the table and said "HOORAY!". 

"She's like a dare devil ninja.." asian husband said.

"I think she just has good physical coordination!" is what I said.

tomato. tomahto

-little asian girl

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

"ahhh...that hit's the spot!"

"What? You try playing pretend doctor all day!"

-little asian girl

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

"OH, NOW I understand.."

Have you ever seen a person carrying a semi grown child around? Maybe at a hardware store or the market? And did you ever wonder, "Why is that person carrying that big child around? How come they didn't have enough common sense to get a cart or bring a stroller?"

WELL...I know the answer to that question. It's because the parent assumed the child would want to exert their independence and walk around by themselves or would be content to ride in the shopping cart and not have their parent carry them around the entire time like a princess!!

So on Sunday little asian baby had the CRANKIEST DAY EVER!!! She is usually a quite happy child. We have tons of photos of her looking like this..



but on Sunday, she spent most of the day looking like this.


and this..


and even like this...


Well, of course minus the medical supplies and nurses and well, she isn't a newborn at all either. She basically though, still cries with the same amount of intensity and frustration as a newborn that has just been thrust out of the warm, cuddly womb and into the loud, cold world....too much?

So yesterday in an attempt to cheer little asian baby up, we took her out of the house. Unfortunately though, little asian baby was determined to be in a foul mood for the entire day, so even though she loves riding in the cart and wandering aimlessly around the aisles of stores....this day she decided that she wanted to do none of that. She only wanted me to hold her while we did our shopping. So there I was, little asian girl carrying around little asian baby and that's when it hit me. 

OH, NOW I understand why people end up carrying their children around, when clearly there are strollers and shopping carts available to make the job easier. 

*siGh* parenthood. 

-little asian girl

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Chocolate chip cookie or french fry?

Are the two choices I gave little asian baby for lunch today.....

Now before you judge me......

Since little asian baby has been sick she lost 1 pound.

Now before you officially decide I'm crazy....

For an adult, losing 1 pound is not a big deal. We probably lose that with our morning poop.

Now before you decide to close the page because of vulgar content....

For a little asian baby who is just shy of 3 ft tall, 1 pound is enough to drop her from the 40th percentile category in weight to the 35th. You've heard me say this before, but little asian baby is the WOORLD'S PICKKEEST EEATERRR!!! (You have to say it like a circus ring master. It's sound more true and less like the crazy ramblings of a neurotic little asian mom girl that way. heehee) She only eats fruit, sweets (cake, cookies, ice cream, everything delicious in the world....) avocado pineapple banana puree, and occasionally string cheese. Oh and chocolate. That girl LOVES chocolate! Every fiber of my being is devoted to putting weight on this little thing. I worry CONSTANTLY about her not getting enough calories and nutrition. She only eats every 3rd bite of food I give her, and since she knows how to say "NO" she uses it primarily at mealtimes. (Ironically though she grows like weed! Must be the magic miracle growing potion, aka breast milk, that I give her!)

SOOOOOO....when the doctor told me little asian baby lost the 1 pound that took WEEKS to put on, I was irritated to say the least. I was lamenting to the doctor how it's been so difficult to get little asian baby to eat anything at all and how frustrated I was that she had lost 1 pound. The doctor (who probably thought I was just as crazy as you probably do..) said to me "Just give her whatever she wants to eat. Even candy is ok!"

WHAAT? HUH?? ARE YOU SURE DOC? CAN I SEE YOUR MEDICAL DEGREE?? Was my initial thought. But she went on to explain that since little asian baby is getting over an illness and since she's skinny and not a great eater, I have to first get her to "enjoy" eating in the first place. That means letting her eat whatever she's willing to eat.

Got it doc. Will do.

So later that day I took little asian baby to the golden arches. Little asian baby LOVES french fries as well as cookies, so I offered her some of both. She willingly accepted my offerings. SUCCESS!! But then I thought, "I wonder what people are thinking watching me offer a toddler french fries or cookies as meal options..." Luckily no one said anything, but a dad next to me did give me a questionable look, but lots of people give me questionable looks often, so I'm not phased by it much. haha.

I guess next time I'll just ask the doctor to write me a note and I'll pin it on asian baby or myself like a permission slip.  And until then I'll just go through the drive thru.

-little asian girl

Friday, December 7, 2012

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH..........











AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH........

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH............
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH......

AH.
Hey?! When did THESE get here????

-little asian girl

Thursday, December 6, 2012

"goo yahb maahm."

So I posted the other day that little asian baby has Rotavirus. She is getting a lot better and she had one full day of no vomiting or diarrhea. The other day though when the virus was still running rampid she vomited all over the floor. Now if I had just plain old hard wood floors then I could have just wiped with wet paper towels, wiped again with disinfectant cleaner, wiped a third time with another wet paper towel to make sure that all the cleaner had been wiped up and been done with it. (As you can tell, I am a tree killer who uses a ZILLION paper towels for one vomit incident. Sorry tree huggers save some extra paper towels for me! Thanks!) BUT, we have these giant puzzle foam mats on our floor to protect little asian baby from bumps and bruises when she falls. (Asian husband and I are safety nuts like that.)

SOOoo when she vomited, it got into the cracks of the mats. Lovely I know! So I had to pull up the 4 GIANT squares..well first I had to remove little asian baby from the premise, change her clothes, my clothes and wipe us both down. THEN I had to remove the GIANT squares, carry them dripping with throw up to the bath tub, hose them down with boiling hot water, all the while making sure that little asian baby was ok. After ALL that I exited the bathroom with little asian baby in toe, sighed a big sigh, and baby uttered those precious words...

"goo yahb maahm."

Translation: "good job mom"

THANKS ASIAN BABY!! THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!!

Oh the days when I just had to plop little asian baby down and she would just "stay" there...
-little asian girl

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

A day at the park.


"Hmmm..I wonder if I can push these trees apart?"

"Ok...Here goes!"

"ARRGGG!!! I'm DOING IT! I'M DOING IT!"

"Heeheee..I'm so strong.."

-little asian girl

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Rotavirus.

**Please note that in this post, the different colored words are just to show my sheer ANNOYANCE with yet another pointless, annoying baby illness and not a link to another wonderfully delightful post from the past.**

What is Rotavirus you ask? It's another pointless, annoying baby illness that has plagued my house in the recent days. YAY! An illness that babies actually get vaccinated for, but still get anyway (RETARDED I KNOW!) It causes projectile vomiting and diarrhea in massive and frequent amounts along with all the crankiness, irritability and 24/7 clingy-ness that we mommas just LOVE! And as with all pointless, annoying baby illnesses, there is no medication, treatment or cure for the damn thing. Just "let it run its course." YOU BETCHA!

*&%($(@!#&$^%*^9)@(!*&%*^((#*@&^^@%**#&$^!*))$)*&^%$#!@#$$%*(^)@@*&&!!!!!!

*pHew* glad I got that off my chest.

Basically I've been vomited or pooped on at least three times everyday for the past 4 days. I also have had to do laundry three days in a row to wash all the clothes that were either, being worn at the time, just changed into from the most recent bodily fluid incident or were near the vicinity of the bodily fluid incident.

And apparently this thing could last for ANOTHER week. Wonderful.

Let's get scientific here people. Rotavirus, is basically what we adults call the "stomach flu" or "stomach bug". It is a virus that attacks and destroys the lining of your intestines and damages the enzymes that your body needs to break down lactose and protein. AWESOME! The virus, when looked at with a microscope, looks like a ball with spikes. It is those "spikes" that CLING onto your intestinal wall making it hard for your body to eradicate and get rid of. Also, since the intestines are being damaged, the digestion of food slows down to a near halt and therefore you either vomit the undigested food or pass it through your colon in liquid form, aka diarrhea. WHOO HOO! Consumption of any type of dairy or protein makes the symptoms, especially the diarrhea, worse because not only is your body not digesting but it is also not breaking down the dairy/protein in any way.

Now comes the best part...

This virus is HIGHLY contagious and can linger in your body for MONTHS after symptoms have gone. SWEET! It is also like the cold virus, in that it has many strains so if you get it once you can still get it again. LOVELY! Adults can also catch the virus from the infected children, although in adults, the symptoms are less severe and we get over it much more quickly.

DIDN'T KNOW I WAS A DOCTOR IN MY SPARE TIME DID YA! BOOM!

So the moral of the story is...if you come into contact with a child who has vomiting, diarrhea, or especially a combination of both....

RUN AWAY. RUN FAR FAR AWAY. Heed the words of Jenny in Forrest Gump. "RUUUNN FORREST!! RUUUNNN!!!" and stay away for the next 162.75 months. Or until the child turns 5. Whichever keeps you away longer.

-little asian girl currently not covered in vomit or poop. holla~

Monday, December 3, 2012

" It's a diamond."

Could it be?

Did little asian baby just say her first sentence at 16 months old?

Is she already showing that she truly is a girly girl, and while others are saying "circle, square, triangle!" she says "diamond"?

Is little asian baby truly.........a genius??????

?????....

ok probably not.

It was probably just a coincidence that when Mickey Mouse was asking "What shape is this?" while holding up a diamond. Little asian baby just "happened" to utter some babbling words that sounded VERY DISTINCTLY like " It's a diamond!" It was so clear, that both asian hubby and I looked at each other with shock and amazement. I also laughed, but I usually laugh at everything baby says. Can't help it. I just think it's funny. Anyways, yeah, it was probably just a "big coincidence" as Elaine from Seinfeld said to the character Rava as they stood there fighting in the elevator about whether or not there are BIG coincidences or if all coincidences are just coincidences regardless of their size. (phEw tHat was a RealLy LoNg rUn On seNtence! GramMar cHecK aNyOne???? don't know why I just typed like that. I'm tired. And coincidences is a hard word to say and spell many times in a row. Try it. This must be the longest section of type within parenthesis ever.)

So long pointless story short! Little asian baby is proving that she already knows what an important role diamonds play in a girl's life, so she might as well recognize them as early!

Good girl.

-little asian girl

Friday, November 30, 2012

What else did I need???


Oh yeah...milk. 1%, low fat, whole? 

Who knows! At least I got the veggie sticks!

-little asian girl

Thursday, November 29, 2012

That's growth people! That's growth!

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about my crazy shower incident with little asian baby. So today when I decided to take yet another shower sans asian husband at home, (apparently I didn't learn my lesson the first time!) I proceeded with caution. And also made some changes to my approach.

First, there was no announcement of my intentions to take a shower like the last time. There was no "OK...mommy is going to take a shower now.. Look, look here..mommy will be right in here ok?? I'll leave the door open so you can find me! If you get scared I'll be right here! Come find me!!" 

nope. none of that. 
Like the little mice in Cinderella trying to sneak pass Lucifer the cat, I made my way past little asian baby without so much a peep. (or should I say squeak?)

Secondly, when little asian baby found me in the bathroom, I didn't engage her in any way. I mean I tried to make the situation as boring and normal as possible. NOTHING TO SEE HERE BABY. NOTHING TO SEE! I mean yess, yess, I know mommy taking a shower in the middle of the day is not something you see happening quite often..but NOTHING TO SEE!

Thirdly, I made sure to keep the soap AWAY from my eyes!

Well, little asian baby did find me in the shower after about 30 seconds, but this time she just said "TA DA!!!" gave me a slightly confused look and walked out. No attempts to touch the water, no toys were thrown in the tub and DEFINITELY NO TOILET PAPER! (THANK GOODNESS!!!! TA DA!!)  

Now I'm not sure if I can credit my new tactics or if little asian baby now knows "oh, mommy taking shower. ok. bye bye." but all I can say is...

That's growth people! That's growth!

-little asian girl

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012

"My mom says, they'll just come to OUR house for Thanksgiving." asian husband said.

"Oh." is what I said.

"No, no, no. Oh NO..uh oh." is what little asian baby said. (well, ok she didn't say that, but she DOES say those words VEry VERY often, so it could have been true.)

And that's how this year, Thanksgiving ended up being at our house. NOT that I really minded. I mean yes, our house is just a small 2 bedroom condo, with only one oven that the 18lb turkey which cooked for 4 hours had to share with all the sides and fixin's. And once my 7 year old niece asked me why I didn't want a "bigger" house, BUT I have been called the "asian" Martha Stewart, so hosting parties of any sort is well...
kinda my thing~

Actually.

It's REALLY my thing.

I LOVE HOSTING!!!

I LOVE the planning, the shopping, the cooking, the putting out of platters and pretty plates. I LOVE setting the table and making table decorations, rolling the silverware in a napkin and tying it with a pretty ribbon....*siGh* I just LOVE it all! (Can you tell I really LOVE it?!) If I really did have a bigger house with enough chairs for more than 6 people and more than one area of the house to congregate in, I would host parties ALL THE TIME! So even though it took me 1 whole day of shopping, 2 days of prep, and 3 straight hours of actual cooking which didn't include the 4 hours for the turkey to cook (and a partridge in a pear tree!!! Oh wait, wrong holiday..)

I STILL LOVED IT ALL!!!

Here are some pictures of the glorious day~

Mini turkey decorations for the table

Table settings.

Full Thanksgiving spread, wine included!

Hope your Thanksgivings were as wonderful as ours was this year! 

-little asian girl

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

So it was my birthday.

My 30th birthday.

I know it's suppose to be one of those "milestone" birthdays, since it's the day when you leave your young, free, irresponsible 20's behind and enter into your more responsible, grown up, show up to work on time and don't duck out early 30's... and whether you enter your 30's kicking and screaming, singing and dancing or drunk and delusional (my personal favorite!) you should do it in style!

However, I've never been one to make a big TA DA about birthdays. (says the girl who actually had TWO celebrations this year.)

One with my side of the family

and one with asian husband's side.
You can tell the kids REALLY enjoy taking family photos~
I don't really care to have a party or a special "get together". All I really want for a birthday, all I really want for any day actually, is cake. And maybe a present or two...or three...or 14689. Just give me sugar and stuff and I'm good!

So my birthday really was just like any other normal day.

In the morning little asian baby FINALLY pooped, a big one, after like 5 days of not pooping.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Then I opened the fridge to find that the milk carton had been slowly leaking since yesterday when I bought it so the entire shelf was covered in milk. (and of course the bottom of everything that was on that shelf had milk on it too.) awesome.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

THEN while I was eating dinner, I looked down at my leg (because that's what I do when I'm eating dinner apparently) and found a huge bruise on my shin. I don't even know how I got it! It just appeared! TA DA!! (as little asian baby would say) The odd thing is, it's not even the first time I've gotten a GIGANTIC bruise on my leg without noticing. Apparently I'm a clutz with amnesia.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I also rolled over the baby's sunglasses that were on the floor while playing with little asian baby and probably have a bruise on my back too. I'll probably forget by tomorrow how I got it though, so if you see me remind me to re-read this post. Thanks friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

And at the end of the day I sat on the couch watching Mickey Mouse and his friends try and earn their camp out badges for the 100th time with little asian baby and asian husband and I thought....

this really is a happy birthday to me. =)

- now 30 year old little asian girl

Monday, November 26, 2012

"She is asian you know..."

Wise words spoken by Auntie S at dinner last week.

We were at a restaurant and little asian baby was playing with chopsticks. I was commenting on the fact that little asian baby LOVES playing with chopsticks and Auntie S said...

"She is asian you know."

hahaha. I guess that's true. I have often wondered if because, we're asian, we're drawn toward things that are asian. You know like chopsticks, white rice, sushi, math problems... Come to think of it, little asian baby used to love eating just plain white rice. She would listen intently when someone spoke Chinese. And some of the few words that she does actually, say, know or understand are Chinese as well. Not to mention that a lot of her babbling words sound like words you would say in Korean or Chinese and people who speak either Korean or Chinese sometimes interpret her "words" as those two languages.

FOR example..We went to the doctor's office one day (our dr. is Korean) and when the Dr. came in, little asian baby started screaming and saying "ahh nee ya" which actually does mean kind of like "No, I don't like"  and the Dr. was like "OH, ahh nee ya? Ok, Ok sorry!" and once my grandmother tried giving little asian baby a bite of yam and she said "Ahn muh guh" which means " I don't want to eat that". So weird, because I don't really speak Korean to little asian baby. Asian husband doesn't speak Chinese to her either, but she picks up words like "Hao Pahng!" which means like "Super!".

Oh well, like I've said before, I guess little asian baby is a genius! (It must be because she's "double" asian like asian husband always says. haha.)

Mensa here we come!!

-little asian girl

little asian baby using chopsticks as drumsticks. SHE'S SO SMART AND CUTE!!!