That's parenthood folks!

Anyone who knows little asian baby can say that she has an AMAZING life. Not just AMAZING, but AWESOME, WONDERFUL, LUCKY, ENRICHED, all around SPECTACULAR life.

I mean who wouldn't love a life that requires NO work? At all. You get to play all day, everyday, and not only at the boring old house, but you get to go to parks, play gyms, friend's houses, malls, craft stores, markets, home improvement stores.... And plain old jarred baby food? NO WAY! You get homemade food, that sometimes is SPECIALLY made for you and your constantly changing palate. Never mind that you basically refuse to eat 98% of what your mother makes for you, but imagine if the ONLY choices you had were pureed carrots or peas. You would starve to death. Did I also forget to mention that you have the freedom to pee and poop anywhere, anytime you want? Not only is that awesome, but you don't even have to let anyone know what has happened. Your parents automatically change and clean you up in a timely manner! And even if you've drawn on the wall for the 109th time today and decided to throw all the couch cushions on the floor so that no one can sit comfortably, all you have to do is giggle and your parents forgive and forget for the 1983rd time. Today.

Yup, that's the wonderful life of a toddler.

So this morning, as I was trying to get little asian baby to eat just ONE of the THREE different types of fruit smoothie concoctions I made for her, asian husband said:

"Little baby, you're so lucky that you have such a great mama who makes such delicious things for you to eat!"

Little asian baby said:

 "No."

That's parenthood folks!

-little asian girl

The Christmas Picture

For the past two years, asian husband and his cousins got together for a "Cousins Christmas". Now all the cousins are married with kids of their own and we are all around the same age. Therefore we have kids that range from about 4 months old to 7 years old. Last year we tried taking the first annual 2nd generation cousins picture to commemorate the first annual cousins christmas. And like with all pictures that involve more than one child, it was basically impossible to have all the children, sitting, smiling, and looking in the same direction.

Here is what went down last year:

*Note that little asian baby is not in any of the photos, not because she wasn't there, but because she barely had neck control and definitely could not sit up on her own. She basically would have had to lay down somewhere on the couch and risk getting trampled by her cousins*

So this is how we STARTED out....

"OK EVERYONE WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THE PICTURE!"

Now notice the baby on the very far left, Malakai,  is out of the picture. It was probably because he got off the couch. 

OK, Malakai is back, but now Harvey, whose brother was climbing over him is gone.

Now both Malakai and Harvey are out of the picture, and looks like baby Paxton (baby on the left) is just about done with the picture taking scenario too.

NOW THIS YEAR!!!

TA DA!!!

All looking in (relatively looking in) the same direction, no one is crying, no one is climbing on a sibling, and we even got someone to hold baby Zoey who can't sit up on her own yet. 

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!!

Now I'm not saying that this picture was easy to get by any means. It wasn't like "OK KIDS PICTURE TIME SAY CHEESE!" In actuality, asian husband took about 20 photos to get this ONE. 

Most of the pictures were like this:

What are the 3 on the right looking at? And why is Paxton LICKING the banister?

and like this...

Little Asian Baby is about to go into meltdown mode...

and even like this...

and there we go into meltdown mode~

But as long as we can prove that we had one good photo, that's all the kids will see and remember and only the parents will know the true story behind the "perfect" photo. 

Maybe it'll be easier next year....

-little asian girl

Mama the Rolling Pin

A poem by little asian girl.

Little asian baby does not sleep through the night.

She wakes by the hour if all is not right.

Little asian mama tries all that she can,

but only the boob will send her off to dreamland.

So all night long mama rolls back and forth,

Left side, right side, then left side of course!

I feel like a rolling pin, I think to myself,

Can I ask Santa for a breastfeeding elf?

"WHEN WILL IT END!" I say almost daily.

Then I think, she's just a baby.

Will I miss it? Probably? Maybe?

But until then I'll just do what works for my baby.

-little asian girl

"oh my."

Is what I said to myself as I glanced back at little asian baby sleeping in her car seat while we were driving to Little O's house for our first Christmas party. Which was SUPER fun by the way! Little O's mom almost took herself out when the champagne cork popped unexpectedly and Baby M's mom almost had a heart attack right there in the kitchen. Good times. Unfortunately, since I'm a lame photographer, these are the only pictures I have from the whole 3 hours we were there. Don't judge me.

Little Asian Baby waiting for something... Little O enjoying a beverage.

ahh! There it is the BUBBLE! Little O still enjoying her beverage.

and !POP! Little O done enjoying her beverage

Anyway, like I said. Fun party. Ok so now back to the point.

As I have mentioned before, traveling anywhere with little asian baby is always an unpredictable venture. Sometimes she'll be perfectly content for the entire trip as long as I play the same Mickey Mouse clubhouse CD OVER AND OVER again while she fiddles with her sun shade, and other times as soon as I open the car door to put her in she starts becoming the spawn of satan. And although she would be perfectly happy bouncing around like a pinball free and unrestrained in the back of the car...the laws of motherhood and this great nation of ours requires me to use a car seat. Don't get me wrong, there are many more good days than bad, now that she's getting older. And I think she understands that sitting in the car seat is NOT negotiable. (although she does try and try and try to renegotiate the terms all the time) However, on the bad days, and especially when she is tired, she screams and squirms and wiggles and writhes...(sounds like an excerpt from one of those "teaching a lesson" stories...like Hansel and Gretel or something..poor kids...) and lately she uses every fiber of her being to try and get out from under the straps. Of course she is unsuccessful, because they make those things so that even Houdini himself couldn't get out from them, but she pulls and yanks and screeches and shrieks (there's that story again..) and when she finally tires herself out she looks like this...

Now as you can see, little asian baby is no longer centered in the seat. She has managed to push herself all the way to one side, using the door as leverage. (as shown by her foot still up against it) She also used her right had to push herself away from the right side, hoping to just eject herself out sideways. She did manage once to free one of her arms from under the straps, but I blame that on poor execution of the initial putting baby in car seat technique. Anyways, so when I finally looked back at little asian baby and saw her like this "OH my" is what I said. Then I promptly pulled into the next available parking lot and shifted her so that she was centered, upright, and not in an acrobatic pose.

So until our next car trip...

-little asian girl signing off

"Stop it...mamma's napping.."

Is what I say to little asian baby as I try to nap along side her.

Well actually, she has already finished with her nap and is ready to continue with her day. I on the other hand, well, am not.

Like any mother,

well like any mother who still nurses her toddler,

and whose toddler only takes one nap a day,

and still doesn't sleep through the night.....

*siGh*

she, meaning I, am very very sleep deprived. I basically haven't had a solid 8 or even a solid 4 hours of sleep since little asian was born SIXTEEN months ago. People think that gold or diamonds are precious commodities, but I don't think so dude (yes, I feel comfortable enough with you to start calling you "dude" and "man") But anyway, in any household with young children, sleep is the most precious and elusive commodity around. I mean most of the time I have no clue what day it is, what time it is, and the last time I took a shower, I completely forgot to wash my body. I just shampooed and conditioned my hair. Sad thing is I didn't even realized until hours later. Oops! Luckily I didn't venture out into public that day, and only asian husband knew what I had, or should I say hadn't done. And the next time we meet, we can all just pretend I don't smell like diaper cream and baby food. Thanks man.

So with all that being said, I try to nap whenever baby naps, but like many stay at home moms who still have to cook and clean and take care of the house I rarely get to do so. However, today I had no laundry to fold, no dishes to wash, all the Christmas presents were wrapped, so I decided to get a few extra Z'z in. (no that wasn't a typo, just showing you how clever I am!) I think I was asleep for maybe 15 minutes when I felt little asian baby roll over me. Yes you read it right, she rolled OVER me. Little booty, legs, and feet in my face and all.

"Stop it...mamma's napping."

Then she decided to try and pull the pillow out from under my head. I guess her logic was, "if momma can't use the pillow then momma can't sleep." At least she's exercising her problem solving skills right? SMARTEST BABY EVER!!

"Stop it....mamma's napping."

When the pillow thing didn't work, she proceeded to LIFT MY FACE! She straight up put her hands under my head and tried to lift, sound effects and all.

"OK OK!"

Next time I'll just sleep on the couch.

-little asian girl

Christmas 2012

Like all parents who want to show off how cute their children have become at the end of every year, asian husband and I attempted to take ONE, JUST ONE, cute holiday photo of little asian baby. Yes, yes we could have done the traditional picture with Santa (ahahaha..I typed satan the first time) but since little asian baby is afraid of even cartoon Santa's we decided to go another route.

Now, I would like to tell you that we went out into the freezing cold Christmas tree lot, searched high and low for the "perfect" Christmas tree, spent 5,000 dollars on coordinating ornaments, lights, and Christmas tree skirt to create the perfect holiday scene for the photo.....

but we just went to my brother in laws house and used his tree, just like we did last year.

This is the photo that we used last year, when all we had to do was plop her down in one place and snap photo after photo until everything was perfect.

THIS is what happened this year.....

not really into taking a "holiday" photo

might have been trying to give us the finger....not quite sure...

nothing needs to be said here...

So THIS is the photo we ended up using....

Before

After

Thank goodness for an asian husband who can create a christmas photo card out of a regular photo! Little asian baby and I are two lucky girls! 

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

-little asian girl

"Are you for real right now?"

Long time ago, when asian husband and I was watching some sort of Dateline special or something, there was a story of a teenager who got shot by his crazy "lover" who was actually an old lady. And I mean like mid 50's 250lb deranged lunatic who was all types of CRaZeEe "lover" (Obviously she was a pedophile, but that's not the point of this story.) Anyway, the teenager who survived the shooting was saying that when he was shot he said to her "Are you for real right now? Did you just shoot me right now?"

Now as tragic as the story is, asian husband and I thought it was funny that after being shot that's what you would say. ( yes, yes we're heartless like that...OK OK actually I'M the heartless one...asian husband is actually a saint..but whatever. OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!!!!!)

........

Anyways, if I were that kid I would have been like "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU F-ING BEECH!!!!!" (since I don't use profanity. except damn. and ass. and sometimes crap.)

..... don't judge me ....

but I guess the poor kid was just in shock.

Why am I telling you this you ask? No, I'm not going to confess that I just shot asian husband "for real right now", but I'm rambling on about a dateline special we saw years ago to say that now, every time something ridiculous happens, asian husband and I quote those words of astute observation.

So when we went to Costco last weekend, we had cause to utter those famous words.

I have a love hate relationship with Costco. I mean where else can you feel pure unadulterated happiness upon finding the 1000 lb bag of flour for 2 bucks and the bright burning rage of bumper to bumper cart traffic? Right? So we were in the parking lot, little asian baby in toe, waiting for the ONE parking spot that opened out of hundreds available WHICH WERE ALL TAKEN TOO! (It's like NO ONE ever really leaves Costco or the parking lot, but people keep going in.) We were patiently waiting with our blinker CLEARLY blinking WHEN A CAR ACTUALLY DROVE AROUND US AND TOOK OUR SPOT!

"ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???"

It was an old elderly couple. Like grandma is in a walker and grandpa might keel over if someone drives over his oxygen tank tube kind of old. We were annoyed, but another spot opened up RIGHT next to the one that had been STOLEN from us so we were some what ok with it.

AND THEN ANOTHER CAR JUST DRIVES RIGHT INTO THE SPACE WE WERE CLEARLY WAITING FOR!!

"ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???

AND IT WAS ANOTHER OLD GRANDPA MAN AGAIN!!!!!! and this one was wearing those black out shades, like the kind you get after eye surgery to block all light from burning your retinas. Yeah that grandpa guy!

GEEESH!! YO ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW SENIOR CITIZEN PEOPLE????

So I decided that when I get old and senile, I'm not going to give a shit about anybody and do whatever the hell I want and drive all fucking crazy and if people don't like it then they can take it up with my cojones~ (that's spanish for BALLS!)

and yeah I'm "FOR REALZ RIGHT NOW!"

-little asian girl OUT~

"She's like a dare devil ninja"

So as with all toddlers, little asian baby likes to do things that could potentially cause her to break an arm or get a concussion. 

She likes to STAND on her ROCKING chair.

She likes to climb onto the stack of water bottles.

I have actually seen her STANDING on top of the bottles, but don't have any physical evidence of that. Yet.

LOVES to play sitting on the counter. 

(Although, I think I am to blame for this one, because I put her there while I'm trying to get ready. I KnoW I kNOW...BABY'S GONNA FALL!)

She's trying to "eat" a water droplet here, just in case you were wondering what she was doing. 

And her latest attempt to cheat death (or at least a serious injury), is to climb onto the coffee table using the couch as a stepping stone. HuH? WhAt? How the heck does she do that you ask? Well, the coffee table used to be pushed right up against the couch (in order to prevent her from going into yet another dangerous corner of the house...maybe we should rearrange the furniture......) Anyways, so the getting onto the coffee table was super easy. Then I decided I would push the table AwAy from the couch so that she couldn't just step right onto it. 

so I thought...

Little asian baby decided to plank herself across the gap superman style. THEN she sort of like army crawled her way across the gap, using the sides of the table as leverage to pull herself across the gap completely. (too bad I don't have a photo. yet.)

Then she stood up on the table and said "HOORAY!". 

"She's like a dare devil ninja.." asian husband said.

"I think she just has good physical coordination!" is what I said.

tomato. tomahto

-little asian girl