young love.....

In lieu of the upcoming Valentine's day, I thought I'd share my thoughts about love.

Now, I'm sure you probably already know, but I am NOT a hopeless romantic by any means. I play on the "Valentine's day is for suckers" team, and I remember telling my mother in high school that I wouldn't want a guy to buy me flowers, because they eventually die and that's just dumb.

Yeah. I'm that girl.

Asian husband is so lucky. .....right?....

Anyway, the reason why I was even thinking about love, was because yesterday while I was at my local hot dog/corn dog fast food joint, I saw two young college kids on, what seemed like, a date. So after I ordered my 15 corn dogs, 5 hot dogs, 4 orders of chili cheese fries, and a root beer float.........

I sat to spy on observe the two young idiots kids, because I like to be nosy and stare and random people doing random things.

As I watched this young couple, girl foolishly giggling at whatever nonsensical joke the guy was making. They were so googly eyed and in their own world, I thought to myself, "Oh young love. So innocent, so pure, so STUPID!"

Ok, so now that I'm 30, married, with a kid and all, I do feel that I can say with (some) authority what love quite possibly could be and most definitely is not.

As I sat and watched the two googley eyed "lovebirds" I just wanted to pull her aside and say "GGIIRRRLLLL....lemme tell you how this "love story" is going to end.."

To you. Young, naive, blinded by "love" girl who's on a date right now at a fast food joint:

"You're probably thinking right now that this is one of the BEST dates you've ever been on right? You're thinking..OH HOW SWEET!! He took me to get fast food! How cute and romantic! We can share chili fries and I can get a milk shake~ I can tell my girlfriends that we laughed and laughed and made silly inside jokes about the annoying cashier. Then after "dinner" we're probably going back to his place and we'll "do it" all night long on his floor futon! Well, reality is, this guy is (sadly) not the first broke ass loser you're going to date. Fast food and futons maybe seem (oddly) romantic and carefree, but trust me. It gets real old. real fast. You'll soon yearn to eat at a place that doesn't have plastic utensils and when you're prince charming's roommate knocks on the door while the two of you are STILL doing it on the futon, because he can't afford a REAL bed....you're gonna wanna drop this dude in a hot minute!"

So as I grabbed my enormous amount of food and walked out the door, I saw the starry eyed couple get in HER car and I thought..

"yeah..that's definitely going to work.."

*siGh* young love. I hope they have a happy Valentine's day and she doesn't get too awestruck by the ring pop he decides to give her.

-little asian girl

"GO GET A JOB!"

Last week, I went to the market with little asian baby. Going anywhere with a toddler is always touch and go. You never know which toddler you're going to be bringing into the market with you. The little asian baby that WAS happy when you put her in the car could turn into grouchy little asian baby on the 5 min drive to the market because the sun was in her face. Or the little asian baby that had just taken a 2.5 hr nap could still be cranky and irritable. It's like opening an Easter egg. A different prize every time!

Anyway, so after I carried her downstairs, loaded her into the car, drove down the street, unloaded her from the car, carried her into the market, and was grabbing the shopping cart, OF COURSE I realized that I had forgotten my wallet at home.

Joy.

So I picked her back up out of the shopping cart, loaded her back into the car, drove back up the street, unloaded her again, carried her up the stairs, grabbed my wallet....and the whole circus came to town again!

(don't worry, I didn't just waste 2 minutes of your day just to tell you every mundane step to taking little asian baby to the market..)

So as I was pulling into the market parking lot (for the second time in 20 minutes) I saw some open spaces right in front! You know the one. Not the handicap one (which really is the best spot...) but you know the one NEXT to the handicap spot that's close enough to the cart collecting thing so that you can put the cart back like a good citizen and also close enough to the market doors, so if you only had a basket you could carry all the bags without needing a trip to the emergency room for a fractured ulna? (yeah, I know that's a bone in the arm!) I was elated that at least I could get a good spot after all the trouble I had gone through, but upon a further (more detailed) look, I saw a white minivan parked HORIZONTALLY across the spot, therefore blocking anyone from taking it. PLUS TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE!! (well at least worse for me..) there seemed to be two high school kids who looked like they had just stepped out of a Vanilla Ice music video standing next to the van.

Now, if you know anything about me so far, you know that I generally dislike all people. BUT young, clueless, plastic gold chain wearing, hat to the side sporting, baggy pants, hanging out in the middle of a parking lot on a school day hooligans ANNOY ME THE MOST!!!!

Now these two "irritants" were standing with the van door open, talking to some other dude who looked like he was still clinging onto his high school glory days (even though he probably was like 30) and when I looked INSIDE the van, it seemed as if the kids were trying to sell some sort of (probably bootlegged, imitation, made in my momma's backyard) electronic equipment!

REALLY?? ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???

needless to say, I was supremely annoyed and wanted to yell out the window.." GO GET A JOB OR AN EDUCATION!!"

but I didn't because they drove off and I got to park in the "good" spot anyway.

that's it.

-little asian girl

Dear adoring fans...

To my dear and loyal fans. I apologize that I haven't blogged in ages. I recently started a new job, (YES I SAID JOB!) So along with being a stay at home mom, I am also gainfully employed. Therefore, I haven't had much time so do anything else, let alone blog. The laundry has been sitting in the dryer (don't worry it's dry) for about a week without being folded. Wrinkles have been permanently set in asian husband's shirts and the only reason I HAD to fold it tonight, was because I need to do a new load tomorrow and (obviously) need the dryer.

So as soon as the "new kid at the new job" thing wears off I'll try to resume blogging at a more normal pace. In the meantime I will try to post as often as I can. I know you're in withdrawal.....

Thanks for reading!

-little asian girl

"Let's see...how do you solve the space-time continuum equation again? Oh right. 10,437 divided by pi to the 7th squared.....multiply that by the mickey mouse algorithum...."

"....carry the 2...."

" I wonder what's for lunch?"

-little asian girl

best day ever.

Little asian baby started out grouchy yesterday morning and after a few mini tantrums about having to change her clothes and having her face wiped, we made it out of the house to run a couple errands.

We went to IKEA (again) to purchase some items, and I have to say here that IKEA is a good 45 minutes away from my house, so it is not an easy or quick errand to run by any means.

At IKEA little asian baby got her little finger slightly squished by a sliding drawer and slightly bonked her head on one of the 147 tables on display. (I say "slightly" because there was no bruising, bleeding or crying for more than literally 3 seconds on both occasions.) But it was still not so great and there is probably surveillance footage of me carrying crying little asian baby.

I also got the ONLY side ways wheeling shopping cart of the 1124 carts they have there, and if you've ever had a side ways wheeling shopping cart while carrying a 20-something pound toddler you KNOW it's HELLA ANNOYING!

After we made it out of IKEA with a few tears and a few magnet boards, the car seat straps decided they would get stuck and refused to recoil. Therefore I couldn't strap little asian baby safely into the car seat. After tugging, plugging, yanking, huffing, puffing, and cursing I called asian husband. He almost had to make the hour drive from work, in the middle of the day, to come fix it for me. (I say "almost" because, well obviously, I figured how to fix it.) Did I also mention that it was 84 degrees in the middle of January? I think I might have sunburn, scoliosis AND strained muscles from being hunched over the car seat in the blistering sun yanking the DAMNED straps!

And on the way home I got lost AGAIN (I SWEAR EVERY TIME I GO TO IKEA I GET LOST COMING HOME, EVEN WITH THE NAVI!) so it added 10 minutes to my already 45 min drive home. PLUS little asian baby decided, that instead of napping like she was suppose to, she would rather scream,

oops..baby just rolled off the couch.

She screamed, shrieked, cried, fussed, ripped her sun protection shade... oh, and made herself gag a few times by putting her hands in her mouth. yay.

Since she wasn't sleeping, I had to give her the tablet to watch cartoons on, which I don't LOVE to do while driving because I feel like I'm allowing her brain to rot and her eyes to become like those hypnotizing swirly circles. But what's a mom to do at this point in the day right?

I decided since she wasn't sleeping I would make one last stop at the bookstore and of course since the stroller was in the garage, I had to hold her in the front carrier. AND OF COURSE SHE FELL ASLEEP WHILE I WAS IN THE STORE!!!!!!!!! It also took me almost an HOUR to finish in the store because every time I asked the employee a question he was like

"oh....."

"um....."

"yeah...."

"I'm not sure actually......"

"let me ask some one...do you want me to check that?"

after I finally got my receipt he said "Have a blessed day!" You can be sure that I wasn't wishing him a "blessed" anything. And of course after I ATTEMPTED and FAILED to transfer sleeping asian baby from the carrier to the car seat she woke up after a not so restful AND short nap and was cranky all the way home.

Yesterday, was also the first day of my first postpartum "cycle" in over two years.

best. day. ever.

-little asian girl.

The Groan Heard Around the WORLD!

Last week little asian baby and I were out running errands. We went here and there and everywhere, and while we were at one of the stores I decided to feed baby a snack.

So there we were walking around the store. Little asian baby meanwhile, was holding a snack container containing cut up strawberries. Now usually baby snack containers are designed to stay sealed even if a semi truck drives over it, but of course in our world as soon as she dropped the container onto the floor it BUSTED open and little pieces of strawberries PLUS their juice went flying. MORTIFIED, I quickly grabbed a diaper wipe to clean up the mess.

HOWEVER....

As soon as the container hit the ground I heard a VERY AUDIBLE GROAN...like "AAAEERRGGGGHH" coming from somewhere behind me. I instantly knew it was one of those disgruntled employees that hated having to clean up after messy little toddlers and shoppers who put the bananas on the shelf next to the cotton T-shirts instead of putting them back in the "grocery" section....

But seriously dude. If he had huffed and puffed any louder, the display of greeting cards across the aisle would have come crashing down! I tried to help him clean up the mess by wiping the strawberry juice with the diaper wipe, but in his annoyed gruff he swept the strawberries away from my wipe with a mini broom and went about his way.

GEESH! RUDE! AAAEERRGGGGHH right back atcha!

I guess next time I should just leave the strawberries at home.

-little asian girl

"well it actually sounded like S H I T..but I'm sure it wasn't.."

Little asian baby has been picking up a lot more words here and there now a days. Some words we teach her like "thank you" and "bye bye" but some words she just learns from family members, friends, good ole television...(and they say TV is bad for you~ HA!) And since I've discovered that being exposed to a word even once is enough to make an imprint on Little Asian baby's brain, I try to tell her the name of every single frickin' thing she comes into contact with. 99% of the time she'll look at me like she understands that I'm telling her "THIS IS A PHONE! CAN YOU SAY PHONE?? PHOONE? PHOOONE!! PHOOOONE!!!!!!!" but chooses NOT to say "phone" and runs off laughing.

But what is a mother of a genius child to do, but still keep trying. right?

So the other day she was trying to get up onto a stool and I was asking her "DO YOU WANT TO SIT?? SIT?? SIT??? SIIITTT?" (yes I always speak in an increased volume when talking to my child as indicated by the ALL CAPS TYPING. I feel if I speak LOUDER she will "get it" quicker. don't judge me.) As I was asking her, she was getting more and more frustrated at the fact that I wasn't just picking her up and plopping her onto the stool and she was starting to attack the stool, so I just helped her onto it and said "SIT".

yes. like a dog.

The next day, little asian baby attempted yet again to get onto the stool, but THIS time she said "sit." Well it actually sounded like "shit", but I figured she was showing me what she had learned yesterday and since she's still learning how to speak couldn't quite get the pronunciation right......

The alternative would have been that even though no one uses profanity in our house or in our lives for that matter, she inherently knows how and when to use it and was expressing her frustration at having to attempt at getting up onto the stool by herself yet again.

shit.

-little asian girl

" THE PEEEEAS! THE PEEEEAS!!"

To quote my very smart and precocious 7 yr old niece. Although when she said "THE PEEEAS THE PEEEAS...." it was more like Marlon Brando in the movie "A street car named Desire" when he was shouting "STELLLAAAA STELLLAA!' (it was marlon brando right? I don't know..i had to google it, but the google link took me to a yahoo link, so I can't say if it's true or not. I only believe things from wikipedia ;)  Anyway, my little niece was so disheartened by the fact that there were peas in her fried rice, she just HAD to put her head on the table and cry out " THE PEEEEAS...THE PEEEEAS!"

but I'm saying it like the kid in the movie version of "A Time to Kill" (which I originally thought was "To Kill a Mockingbird" but upon reading the wikipedia entry discovered were two different movies with the same story.) ANYWAY, at the end of the movie when they find Samuel L. Jackson's character innocent, everyone is all joyous and celebratory...

Yeah. I'm saying it like that!

"THE PEEEEEAS! THE PEEEAAAS!"

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE PICKIEST TODDLER IN THE WORLD EATS PEAS!!

well only if I saute them in butter with carrots and potatoes. Not that she eats the carrots and potatoes, because she doesn't, but she eats the peas. Why does she eat peas sauteed with carrots and potatoes, but not peas any other way?? And why won't she eat the carrots and potatoes with the peas??  I DON'T KNOW!

I have long given up the notion that I could understand why little asian baby does anything she does. All the books and web articles are wrong. There is no real explanation for why babies/toddlers do what they do. All the literature out there is just there to give parents the "illusion" of control and understanding. If I asked Dr. Expert about why little asian baby eats peas sauteed with carrots and potatoes, but not any other way, he'd probably say something like ....

"Well, a toddler's brain is an AMAZING thing! As they grow and learn they are figuring out different patterns about the world around them, and blah blah..whoo haa...wonder weeks...blah blah...brain development...systematic patterns of behavior....boop ba dee doop...cry it out...blah laah laaah...synapses in the brain.....toot tee tooot...development......doodle lee doodle...shapes, colors, Mickey Mouse....poop pa dee poop."

and then we as parents would say "WOW! AMAZING!!"

but the real reason why little asian baby will only eat peas sauteed in butter with carrots and potatoes is, because she's a toddler. And toddlers just do weird things.

Gotta love them though! I mean who wouldn't with a face like this!

-little asain girl