"You must not have children..."

Sorry I haven't been blogging much folks, but our life has been, dare I say....uneventful? And of course as I say this my dishwasher is exploding and the oven has caught on fire....

Well, not really, but isn't it just the way life goes. As soon as you say something isn't or is a certain way, EXACTLY the opposite happens?

So, anyway, our life has been pretty uneventful and normal for a quick minute. Therefore, I have nothing interesting or even boring to say. But today, little asian baby and I went to IKEA with Little Man Wy and his mommy. If you can recall from last year's Halloween post (I can't believe I'm actually saying "last year" like it was so long ago...) Little Man Wy is the only boy in our little play group. Here he is pretending to be a cowboy at our house:

He is a red sox fan as you can see by his t-shirt and loves Yo Gabba Gabba. Super cute.

Anyway, so Little Wy's mom and I went to IKEA. Not only is that place like a playground for adults, but a GIANT playground for kids as well. I mean isn't it a toddler's dream to have essentially a GIANT un-childproofed house to play in? Couches, chairs, dining tables, beds, TV screens that you can actually touch without mommy saying "NO NO NO!!" Plus lots of sharp edges and unlatched drawers to hurt yourself with.

AWESOME!

I love ikea. Every time I go there I want to redecorate my entire house, and my mom's house, and my neighbors house...the doghouse. So as we were walking around, we ended up in the section with all the entertainment units and book shelves. It wasn't a particularly crowded afternoon and we were the only two moms with kids there, so we let the kids run free. FREE I TELL YA! I have to CLEARLY state though that Little Wy and Little Asian Baby are NOT the kids you see jumping on the furniture while squeezing juice out of the juice boxes to see how far it'll spray. NO NO. Our kids are pretty well behaved, so it wasn't like they were causing commotion. Little Wy's mom and I were keeping an eye on them to make sure they didn't push over any displays or pull the table cloth off of one of their meticulously set dining tables. Spoons, plates, forks, napkins, fake plants centerpieces were all still intact. (well except for this weird looking candle holder thing that Little Wy got a hold of, but it was ugly and he didn't break it or anything so...moving on.) Basically we were being good mothers as well as good patrons of the beloved store.

HOWEVER....the employee who was manning the entertainment unit area apparently didn't think so. She didn't actually SAY anything to us about our kids running around, but she was straight up GLARING at the kids as they were playing. And I mean if she glared any harder, her eye sockets would have burned up from the rage.

Little Wy's mom later told me that she was about to say to the employee, "You don't have kids huh?" but held her tongue. Good for her. She really is a super lady! Anyway, it did make me think though about all those people who don't have children and still think it's ok for them to judge what REAL parents do even though they have no FRICKIN clue. Or what's worse to me are those parents who DO have children, but have conveniently "forgotten" how difficult it is to raise them. It makes me so irritated that I'm sitting here with an annoyed look on my face and am rapping the keys of my keyboard a little bit more intensely than usual. Good thing asian husband is in the garage and not here to witness my rage.

The point I guess I'm trying to make is...if I ever see that yellow shirt wearing, glaring at my kid behind her goofy glasses, ikea employee again I'm going to hand her little asian baby and watch as she struggles to quiet my screaming child and see if she'd rather have me let baby run around playing nicely or screaming in her face.

There probably will be no more glaring after that.

So aside from the annoying employee and a minor choking on a strawberry incident little asian baby had, we had a great time.

THREE CHEERS FOR IKEA!

-little asian girl

Little asian baby pretending to "sleep". She really loved this bed...maybe it was the stripes or maybe the  pillows. In any case we hung out here for like 10 minutes! Maybe this bed is the key to getting Little Asian baby to sleep on her own....

"It's cuz your boobs are always out!"

Today we had a fun early morning play date at Little O's house. Little O is super cute and silly now and she and Kathryn are (sort of) great friends. Aside from the occasional pushing each other off of the riding toy and yanking the boogie bus away from each other. They get along fine.

Little O and Little Asian Baby playing peacefully with each other. Notice how Little O is all cute and petite and asian baby looks all giant standing next to her? And they are only 1 month apart!

Little O's mommy and I are great friends too. We talk to each other at least twice a week and I feel comfortable sharing things like "hey did you know I found a clogged pore on my nipple yesterday?" and when I say things like that to her, she appropriately responds by saying "It's cuz your boobs are always out, so you notice these things!"

Now she wasn't saying it to be critical. I mean I'm not that neighbor down the street who wears her clothes too tight, too short and too low cut for the viewing public. You know the one..she doesn't own a bra and can always be found shamelessly flirting with all the married men on the block? Yeah that one. But the point is, I try to cover all my body parts, the private ones especially, at all hours of the day.

HOWEVER, since I am still a nursing mother, my boobs do make an appearance every 3-4 hrs depending on the day. SOOOO, Little O's mommy was just referencing that since I nurse and see my nipples a lot, I notice these things.

And she is right.

Funny the things that women who are friends can talk about without feeling awkward or embarrassed. At least I hope Little O's mom wasn't feeling awkward and embarrassed.....maybe I should ask her next time.....

Anyways, back to the clogged pores. Now I know you think it's weird. Heck, even I think it's weird. Why do you think I had to tell someone other than asian husband? The internet didn't tell me anything like this would happen, so I didn't expect it. Who even knew that nipples had pores and those pores could get clogged?

Well, they say you learn something new everyday, so I guess that was it for me yesterday!

-little asian girl

"Bring to me the good news this year ok?"

Said my grandma to asian husband and I when we saw her to commemorate the new year.

Now, I would like to say that she was waiting to hear the gospel yet again, but she was not.

Translation...

"Get pregnant"

Yup, so it begins. Not that my family hasn't already been on the quest to impregnate me for the second time, because they have. (I just realized that sounds kinda weird and gross...) But what I'm trying to say is that my family has been waiting for a second little asian baby, well, since I became pregnant with the first little asian baby. (Reference this post here) I mean, old granny over there kept telling me to take a pregnancy test every time I saw her starting from like month 3 postpartum, just to "make sure". And if I had really done so I would have spent hundreds of dollars in pregnancy tests by now, because those things ain't cheap honey.

I can't lie and say that I HAVEN'T thought about having another baby, but I'm not thinking about it enough to actually throw caution and panties to the wind. Nope. Caution and panties will stay put for the time being. I do find it funny however, that in the baby forum where all of the parents have children born the same time as little asian baby, the post titles have gone from "BABY HASN'T POOPED IN 57 DAYS!" and "IS YOUR BABY HUGE TOO?" to "TRYING TO GET PREGNANT" "I'M OVULATING RIGHT NOW!" "TOOK A TEST TODAY WISH ME LUCK!"

to which I always reply.."Girl~ You CrAzzEe!"

and as I told asian husband the other day, when my answer to the question "Are you going to have another one?" stops being "OH NO! NO..NOT NOW. NO."

maybe then I'll be ready..you know...to throw caution and panties to the wind.

-little asian girl

"She looks single..but she's not."

Is what someone said about me recently. I didn't know whether to take it as a compliment or an insult. Did this person think that I acted like a single person instead of a wife and mother? Or maybe they thought "How can she always be so put together, wear 4 in heels, bake 2 dozen cupcakes AND have a toddler???"

Whatever the case, I opt to believe that the latter is true. (Yes, yes, all the months of having all of the vital nutrients sucked out of me by little asian baby due to breastfeeding has made me delirious and delusional.)

Anyway, it got me thinking about my single days. My "glory days" as asian husband pointed out.

OH HOW I MISS THEM SO!

The days where waking up "early" meant anytime before noon, dinner could be eaten at 9:30PM, and your DVR recordings were filled with trashy reality TV shows and episodes of Grey's Anatomy instead of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Bubble Guppies. You could go clubbing every weekend dressed like a hooker and people thought you were FUN and HOT instead of irresponsible and slutty. The days where instead of disposable diapers you had disposable boyfriends and the only REAL responsibility you had was to make sure to remember to take your birth control pill everyday.

Am I right?

Not that I don't love my life now...... ... .. . BUT when I think about who I was then and who I am now it's a WORLD of difference. As I told my mom friends this past weekend,

"I used to be the girl that all the guys would buy drinks for and now...I'm the mom that bakes."

Oh well, I guess it's good that my life has evolved and grown, because if I was STILL that girl who dressed like a hooker out in the clubs every weekend and sleeping in until noon with my disposable boyfriend.....

I'd have my own reality TV show! (Or at least be a cast member in one!) And 20 something year olds the world over would have MY show recorded on their DVR!

-little asian girl

"You're wearing slippy socks..

..not grippy socks, so when you're walking along the dining table bench throwing the cushions off, while making your way to the blinds in an attempt to rip them off....just be careful."

Words I NEVER thought I'd be saying to little asian baby. We were getting ready to leave the house for my sister's bday dinner and was just busy packing everything imaginable for those "just in case she has explosive diahrrea and needs a haz-mat suit.." kind of scenarios. (What? You know that's how you pack when leaving the house with your toddler too. Don't think I'm crazy~!) It's like an act from a circus when we have to leave. Asian husband and I race back and forth packing things like diapers, wipes, baby cup, forks, spoons, birth certificate.. And while we do that, little asian baby has free, unsupervised, well PARTIALLY unsupervised, reign over the house.

So was the case today. During this window of time, little asian baby climbed up onto the dining room bench (yeah, she can do that now) and decided to walk across it while pushing all the pillows in her path onto the floor. Her main objective was to get to the blinds that hang from the window at the end of the bench. She is O-B-S-E-SS-ED with blinds. She just likes to swat them back and forth, peek through them, see if she can hang herself with them...you know..regular toddler stuff. To help you better imagine what the area of the house I am referring to looks like, here is a picture. Oh, and no, my dining area does not always look this festive and neat. Usually there random things all over, but this day was baby's 1st birthday party so I made it look festive and neat. Anyway, the dining bench is where the pillows are and you can see the window to the right with the blinds.

The bench, actually is a long cabinet with doors that slide from side to side. I store small kitchen appliances there, out of sight, but this has nothing to do with the story. I just like to tell you things about my dining area.

Anyway, the point is, that there are many things that I never thought I would do as a parent that I now do. All the time. Things like letting little asian baby watch TV so I can get dinner made or take a shower. Or allow little asian baby to run around the house during meals without sitting in a high chair. But what you THINK you're going to do BEFORE you have kids and what actually happens AFTER you have them are two different things.

Trust me.

Those of you who have kids know what I'm talking about, and those of you who don't have kids yet pass judgement on all us mothers who do...just you wait. And I promise I won't say "I TOLD YOU SO SUCKA!" when you send me your deeply apologetic email. (well I don't really PROMISE..wait..yes I do..no..well....yeah..no I don't.)

I guess instead of "You're wearing slippy socks, not grippy socks, so when you're walking along the dining table bench throwing the cushions off, while making your way to the blinds in an attempt to rip them off...just be careful." I SHOULD of said "No. We do not walk along the bench. We do not throw cushions on the floor. We DO NOT play with the blinds!"

but.

I'm tired.

So I just let her play on the bench.

Now, whoever still thinks that stay at home moms just eat bon bons all day while watching telanovelas, as their babies take 5 hr naps, shouldn't run into me in the parking lot of Gymboree. I'll club you with my kids diaper wipe case and stab you with her baby fork. I don't have the energy to carry a tantrum throwing toddler off the bench and into the living room area 6 ft away for the 10th time that minute, only to have her run back up and onto the bench. Again. I'd rather let her walk the bench peacefully, keep her in good spirits and try to stave off any further meltdowns. And if you reference the above photo, you can see that the table is basically pushed up against the bench and that there is a WALL on the other side so it's not like she could have fallen or anything. Besides, I was sitting within arms reach of her the whole time.

So pass judgement all you want, tell your friends that you know a little asian girl that has NO IDEA how to raise a child, but it's cool. I'm not phased by it. At least for that one moment in time, little asian baby was happy and there was peace in all the land.

Until I had to take her off the bench so that we could leave.....

-little asian girl

My 100th Post!

Dear Parentals,

This is a contract drawn up by me (little asian baby) for you (the parentals) to cement in writing the rules and regulations of the household. This contract is to be signed with your blood, sweat AND tears to ensure the proper and happy upbringing of me (again, little asian baby) by you (again, the parentals). Let it be known that if this contract is breached in any sort of way I will initiate any and or all combinations of the destruction sequences as mentioned below.

First, in regards to discipline. There will be none. I will not be accepting any sort of punishment for my actions. Even if I drop the laptop into the tub or throw my food at the TV, you will smile, promptly clean up the mess and carry on with your day. If you try to give me a time out, sternly say "NO, THAT IS NOT ALLOWED", or try to implement any other sort of boundaries I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Lock myself in the bedroom where only SOME of the cabinets have locks and where one of the outlets doesn't even have a cover.
C. Run around the house destroying everything that is precious, new or valuable to you. (You know I know what those are.)

Second, in regards to food. I will NOT be accepting any offerings of food from you 99% of the time. Only when you figure out the right, temperature, texture, combination of flavors, time of day and amount of food on the spoon will I ALLOW you to feed me 3 bites. If you do not follow these strict protocols I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Go on a hunger strike and force myself to lose 2 pounds.
C. Go back to nursing every two hours like I did when I was a newborn.

Third, in regards to attention. YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO ME AT ALL TIMES OF THE DAY AND NIGHT NO MATTER WHAT! THIS IS NON NEGOTIABLE. Doesn't matter if I'm watching TV and making no sort of contact with you or if I am napping in the other room you must always, ALWAYS be paying attention to me. If you do not then I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Become the worlds CLINGIEST toddler for next four months.
C. Deliver you a swift kick in the head.

Lastly, (but definitely NOT the least of your problems) sleep. I will get AS MUCH AS I WANT, and you will get none. If you try to force me to nap, force me to sleep earlier, force me to wake up later or force me to take more naps in a day than I want I will:

A. Throw the biggest tantrum the WORLD has ever seen causing family, friends, neighbors, strangers to give you unsolicited advice and question your ability as a parent.
B. Wake prematurely from every single nap for as long as I deem appropriate and be irritable and a pain for the rest of the day.
C. Change up my sleep routine everyday so that you will NEVER be able to have a life.

You will happily and willfully sign this agreement, because you brought me into this world and therefore are responsible for my life and well being. I will also require you to love me unconditionally, shower me with hugs and kisses everyday, carry me around like a prince/princess and make sure I don't have any traumatizing, emotionally damaging or physically scarring experiences.

This contract is forever binding and the terms can never be negotiated.

Signed: DAD & MOM        Date: December 29, 2012

No, we didn't teach her how to give the finger..she just came out of the womb knowing how to do that.

-little asian girl

That's parenthood folks!

Anyone who knows little asian baby can say that she has an AMAZING life. Not just AMAZING, but AWESOME, WONDERFUL, LUCKY, ENRICHED, all around SPECTACULAR life.

I mean who wouldn't love a life that requires NO work? At all. You get to play all day, everyday, and not only at the boring old house, but you get to go to parks, play gyms, friend's houses, malls, craft stores, markets, home improvement stores.... And plain old jarred baby food? NO WAY! You get homemade food, that sometimes is SPECIALLY made for you and your constantly changing palate. Never mind that you basically refuse to eat 98% of what your mother makes for you, but imagine if the ONLY choices you had were pureed carrots or peas. You would starve to death. Did I also forget to mention that you have the freedom to pee and poop anywhere, anytime you want? Not only is that awesome, but you don't even have to let anyone know what has happened. Your parents automatically change and clean you up in a timely manner! And even if you've drawn on the wall for the 109th time today and decided to throw all the couch cushions on the floor so that no one can sit comfortably, all you have to do is giggle and your parents forgive and forget for the 1983rd time. Today.

Yup, that's the wonderful life of a toddler.

So this morning, as I was trying to get little asian baby to eat just ONE of the THREE different types of fruit smoothie concoctions I made for her, asian husband said:

"Little baby, you're so lucky that you have such a great mama who makes such delicious things for you to eat!"

Little asian baby said:

 "No."

That's parenthood folks!

-little asian girl

The Christmas Picture

For the past two years, asian husband and his cousins got together for a "Cousins Christmas". Now all the cousins are married with kids of their own and we are all around the same age. Therefore we have kids that range from about 4 months old to 7 years old. Last year we tried taking the first annual 2nd generation cousins picture to commemorate the first annual cousins christmas. And like with all pictures that involve more than one child, it was basically impossible to have all the children, sitting, smiling, and looking in the same direction.

Here is what went down last year:

*Note that little asian baby is not in any of the photos, not because she wasn't there, but because she barely had neck control and definitely could not sit up on her own. She basically would have had to lay down somewhere on the couch and risk getting trampled by her cousins*

So this is how we STARTED out....

"OK EVERYONE WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THE PICTURE!"

Now notice the baby on the very far left, Malakai,  is out of the picture. It was probably because he got off the couch. 

OK, Malakai is back, but now Harvey, whose brother was climbing over him is gone.

Now both Malakai and Harvey are out of the picture, and looks like baby Paxton (baby on the left) is just about done with the picture taking scenario too.

NOW THIS YEAR!!!

TA DA!!!

All looking in (relatively looking in) the same direction, no one is crying, no one is climbing on a sibling, and we even got someone to hold baby Zoey who can't sit up on her own yet. 

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!!

Now I'm not saying that this picture was easy to get by any means. It wasn't like "OK KIDS PICTURE TIME SAY CHEESE!" In actuality, asian husband took about 20 photos to get this ONE. 

Most of the pictures were like this:

What are the 3 on the right looking at? And why is Paxton LICKING the banister?

and like this...

Little Asian Baby is about to go into meltdown mode...

and even like this...

and there we go into meltdown mode~

But as long as we can prove that we had one good photo, that's all the kids will see and remember and only the parents will know the true story behind the "perfect" photo. 

Maybe it'll be easier next year....

-little asian girl