"my neon thong days are .....over."

Is what I thought as I entered victoria's secret to buy myself some new under-panty-things. What started out as ignorant optimism after little asian baby was born had now turned into self loathing annoyance as I realized that my booty would not return to it's pre-pregnant size. As i contemplated going commando everyday while fishing wedgies out of my ass, I finally decided to get some new under-panty-things.

Bigger, under-panty-things.

oh the joy.

So I remember not that long ago, when victoria's secret had cute panties...pink ones with stars, a cute stripe, polka dots (my personal fav~), but now as i perused the tables all I saw were neon colors, ruffles, rinestones, and adjectives that I thought were only used to describe food. 

"JUICY" "DELICIOUS" "SWEET" not words that any woman I know wants printed on her ass. So then I had a thought. I should design a line of underwear with words like "NO WAY" "DEFINITELY NOT" "NO" "DID YOU LOAD THE DISHWASHER" I would buy them. Wouldn't you? 

So as I headed to the BACK of the store, where they put the REGULAR underwear (what a marketing technique...put all the slutty underwear upfront so all the young attractive people will be visible and hide "attractively challenged" in the back...nice.) I grabbed a couple in my now...ehem...bigger..size and headed toward the register. As I looked at the sad pile of black and white I suddenly felt a sense of rebellion SURGING through my body. I wasn't some old lady with three kids and a weekly book club! I was still YOUNG, I was still YOUTHFUL! I still could bend over without my bones cracking! I didn't have to resort to plain black or white underwear! So I MARCHED MY BOOTY BACK TO THE TABLE AND GRABBED SOME PINK, PLAID, AND POLKA DOTTED PANTIES! VICTORY! I left the store feeling triumphant, with a little pep in my step.

unfortunately....

while I was in my delirium i forgot to check the back of the panties and one of them had a pair of gaudy silver glittered rinestone wings printed on the back. *siGh* oh well. at least no one will see them. hopefully, not even my hubby~ haha.

-little asian girl out.

"pretty girls get to do things ugly girls don't."

Is what I over heard a mom say to her elementary school aged daughter in the market parking lot. My initial reaction was to laugh, because let's face it. It's true. However, the same said mom also proceeded to tell her daughter that being pretty wasn't enough and that she would also have to be smart as well. 

"But you have to be smart too, because no one likes a pretty dumb girl." 

WRONG! EVERYONE LIKES A PRETTY DUMB GIRL! they just don't like ugly, dumb girls. 

So as I quietly loaded my groceries (btw, it just took me 3 attempts to spell that word...haha..mommy brain...11 months after giving birth.....cupcake cupcake...lalalalala) 

So as I quietly loaded my g r o c e r ies in the car, i couldn't decided whether that mother was doing her daughter a favor by exposing her to the harsh realities of the world at the tender age of 7 or if she was contributing to the growing epidemic of bitter, jaded, low self esteem harboring women. Is it better to live in LalA land where music plays whenever you take a crap and everything is made of sprinkles and glitter? Would this little girl grow up always trying to be smart, and pretty, and talented, and eventually end up being committed?.....or would she always feel like she was falling short of her mother's "wise" words and end up drunk and bleary eyed looking for a condom dispensing machine? Anyways, as my mind started to wander I thought of other little "lies" I've actually heard parents tell their children. 

"Wine is good for you. It's good for your heart." -a mother said to her daughter in the wine/beer aisle at the market. (i know this one is kinda true..but still the kid was like 5 yrs. old)

"My mom said I'm allergic to candy" -said a little boy to me at church when I offered him some.

"We have to wait so the magic will be there" -said a mom at my gymboree class to her daughter who was being impatient about her music class starting. 

"if you sleep next to the wall, your face is going to get paralyzed because the wall is cold." -says my mom to me because our bed is pushed up against the wall.

YAY PARENTS! PARENTING OF THE YEAR AWARDS FOR EVERYONE!

-little asian girl