Lately, little asian baby has developed irrational fears about everything. She's afraid of the blow dryer sound, the air conditioner coming on suddenly, cartoons characters that have too much white space in the eyes...and recently a fear of public restrooms.
To be fair I guess though, public bathrooms are kind of scary and they have all the things that little asian baby is currently afraid off. The hand dryers make loud, unexpected whooshing sounds, you don't know when the stall door is going to open suddenly, the automatic paper towel dispenser makes a electronic sound, and once I took her to the bathroom at her art class and there were paintings and drawings of all things that scared her and she had to close her eyes the entire time she was in there.
SOOOOOO....now I have to take her porta-potty with me whenever we go out.
So, today little asian baby and I ventured out to the mall to buy a birthday present for a little baby who's turning one this Saturday. I packed up the baby, items to be returned to various stores, diaper bag, snacks, extra clothing in case of "accidents" OH AND THE BABY POTTY! We got to the mall, and I asked little asian baby
"Do you wanna go potty in the trunk?"
"Yes" was her reply.
And so we proceeded.
As I was standing there waiting for her to do her thang, an asian woman walked by, which is to be expected, because we were after all in a public parking garage and it is totally normal and expected for asian women to be walking around there. (probably looking for their expensive sedans with the dinged up bumpers because they keep crashing into things!) I didn't really think anything of it at all, EXCEPT......the woman did a double back and started talking to me (in korean) which made me think, that I guess I just look korean for people to just automatically starting talking to me in my native tongue! Anyways, so she just started up like
"IS SHE (little asian baby) PEEING IN THE TRUNK???? DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING THERE FOR HER?? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE PEE WHEN SHE"S DONE? HOW INTERESTING AND WHAT A GOOD IDEA!!!"
Now the lady wasn't rude or anything, and I could tell that she was GENUINELY shocked and surprised that a toddler could be potty-ing in the trunk of a car, so I just told her that my kid is afraid of public restrooms and that I dispose of the potty in near by grass areas (PEE OF COURSE! NOT POOP!!) Then the woman just laughed and said that since she doesn't have grandchildren she doesn't know of such practices... and that was that.
I'm sure (after she found her car) she called her daughter/son/friend whoever and told them the story of the little asian girl who was standing in front of the trunk of the car while her little asian baby peed in it, and everyone had a good laugh.
Whether those people/strangers/on lookers whoever judge me or not for doing what I do, I don't really care because like I always say about parenting.
Ok, so here is a little secret that no one really knows about me.
I am totally technologically challenged. Other than turning the computer on and clicking on the "start" icon to find microsoft word I literally know nothing. It's A-M-A-Z-I-NG I tell you, that I can even blog, let alone upload pictures and create new posts! I hate getting new phones or other gadgets because it takes me and ENTIRE lifetime to figure out how to get my contacts to show up when I click the phone icon to make a call. I've had my phone for probably over a year now (maybe even longer) and I JUST... JUST!! I tell you!!! figured out that there are more "emojis" than the standard smiley, angry, crying, laughing etc. ones. (oh, and i just also found out that the "smiley face icons" which was what I was calling them are actually called "emojis". AND EVEN THAT I HAPPENED UPON by chance because they are labeled that on my phone menu! YEARS LATER I TEll YA!!)
Anyways, so as I was texting my husband I realized that there were many more options for emojis I could access if I just swiped my finger to the left (...to the left...to the left....had a little Beyonce moment there...gotta love that song!) Anyways, I discovered some cute animal ones and food ones, and ones of different buildings..... (I'm not sure why you would need icons for buildings, but I guess it's just another "techy" thing I don't know!) So in a moment of shock, glee and amazement I started texting my husband.
This is how it went.
me: "Hey did you know there are animal emojis?"
I then proceeded to text him a bunny, poodle, turtle, mouse, chick hatching from an egg, threw in a goat for some variety... you get the picture right?
asian husband: "Haha. (santa) (jack-o-lantern) baby's favorite"
He was referring to little asian baby's favorite holidays so he texted a santa & jack o lantern emoji.
So I swiped left (to the left...to the left.....) and found food icons and texted hubby emojis of little asian baby's favorite foods.
me: (pizza)(french fries)(shrimp tempura)(ice cream)(cake)(chocolate donut)(lollipop)(chocolate) too bad there are no boobs!
said I, because we all know little asian baby shamelessly still nurses and I shamelessly still allow her to.
asian husband: ( . )( . )
That's a great thing about toddlers. The fact that they have no filter. Sure it's embarrassing at times, when your toddler is asking (very loudly) why the other toddler at the red bullet store is "crying to his mom" and I feel sympathetic, empathetic, and just plain bad for the mother of the tantrum throwing child to have to experience a strange little asian baby calling out her son & her parenting skills......
but it's refreshing that when my breath is stinky, someone around me can tell me so without judgement or cruel intentions and I can go and brush my teeth.
My fellow play date mates and I have decided to help you out. Parents are always saying that there should be a "manual" or "how-to" guide when it comes to parenting. So I, Little Asian Baby, have taken it upon myself to educate the many, MANY parents out there who just want to have a successful, happy and tear free (I'm talking to you mamma about the tears!) relationship with their toddlers! And although some parents can't be helped even with a 10 day seminar, some parents just need a few tips and tricks!
So here is the first of what probably will be MANY posts about how to become a well trained parent.
HOW TO PLAY WITH A TODDLER Four tips on how to a have a tear free, drama free, frustration free play time experience with your toddler
When I (the toddler) asks you, "Which one do you like?" know this. It's a trick question. Parents, do not actually CHOOSE the one you prefer. Instead, you must stop. wait. and accept whatever I decide is the "one you like." And do not assume that just because I gave you the chocolate cupcake this time, that's the "one you like" every time. So just to be safe, practice tip 1 at any and all play time events.
Remember. Stop. Wait. Accept.
When you find my princess lego pieces in my play kitchen sink. DO NOT! I REPEAT DO NOT! Move the lego pieces back to their container. They are MY toys, I will play with them however I please. Sure Mr. Dinosaur is not SUPPOSE to be wearing sparkle bracelets and hold the magic wand...too bad. Accept it and move on.
Sure yesterday the VTECH Alpha Train was my favorite toy. I played with it ALL day and even sat on it for meals. TODAY however, "I'm done with that". Don't even ATTEMPT to get me to play with it. Also, reference Tip 2 and don't move it. (even though I parked it in the MIDDLE of the living room) Don't move it.
You must follow ALL the tips, every time, in order to have a successful, happy and tear free play time event. Don't assume that since you didn't move the puzzle pieces out of the shape sorter set that you can go choosing willy nilly what color crayon you should draw with.
I know, I know Christmas has come and gone, but I finally have time to blog about our annual Cousin's Christmas! (which actually happened on New Year's Eve this year and not Christmas, because everyone is busy!)
So I've blogged about asian husband's cousins getting together for Christmas for two Christmas' so far. This will be number 3. Just to recap, all of hubby's cousins have children and they are all basically under the age of 10 with the youngest baby Zoe being 15 months, so it's fun. I've documented the kid's "Christmas Photo" attempts every year, and this year was the most successful yet! (I mean..yeah..duh..the kids are older so they are better at taking pictures..but still!)
Here is a photo from the first Cousin's Christmas. Little asian baby is missing because she was too young to sit up by herself yet. All of the kids clearly aren't into taking the photo and are just trying to get off the couch. Little Malakai has hurled Hello Kitty off the couch in protest.
The second year we had the Christmas, the kids were better....sort of. Little asian baby is there now, but refused to sit next to any of the kids and eventually had a melt down after this first photo and ended up lying on the floor crying. Baby Zoe was a new addition, but obviously since she's basically a newborn she had to be held by her older cousin Bethany. Malakai, who is not so little now, is still protesting by being the only child standing.
Now THIS YEAR!!!! No one is on the floor. No one has to be held up by another. All participants are sitting. Sure not everyone is smiling or looking in the same direction, but you HAVE to admit...it's the BEST photo the kids have and could have taken!
We even did one like this!! The kids put their hands in the air and said "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!" (idea courtesy of me!) So I think since this year we managed to have a successful photo shoot and incorporated TWO different poses.....next year we're going to put on a three part musical about the magic of Christmas!
but asian husband and I actually knew each other for a few years before we OFFICIALLY started dating for real. When we first met, neither of us thought of each other as serious potential spouse candidates and neither of us made an attempt to "get with each other" until years later. Asian husband thought I was a ditzy party girl and I thought of him as my "in between guy". You know, the guy you go out with when you're "in between" "real" relationships? HA! So I guess if God, fate, destiny, didn't intervene and we acted according to our own plans. We wouldn't have ended up happy&together.
So here we are 10 years after we initially met that fateful day at hubby's friend's house and 5 years since we've "officially" been together. We're married, with a little asian baby and laughing about how this life (AND THIS BLOG!!!) might have never happened.
YAY for ____________________________________________________________________!!!!
(insert whatever deity, energy force or magical creature you believe controls your fate here.)
-little asian girl
I'm sure asian husband would like me to point out that when he told me to take this picture with him I said something like: "WhY? Just our shadows? That's going to look dumb? Who takes pictures of just shadows?"
But I have to say that asian husband was R..I......GHT (my fingers started to paralyze themselves...) and we have gotten compliments on this photo from people other than family members about it looking cool.
So I live in a world, where I am told, frequently enough but not like ALL THE TIME...that I act kind of...well....princess-y.
Most of the time, it's my mom telling me that I'm a princess, and not in a "oh you're my precious baby princess" kind of way...but like "you're acting bratty and high maintenance like a princess" kind of way...
and although many a times I feel like I'm NOT being a princess....I guess...well.....
Yesterday, though, I found myself in a situation where I really could have been a princess, because the scenario involved, a balcony, a locked door, and even though the knight on a white horse was actually an asian hubby in a black prius, he still had to come and "rescue" me.
Here is what happened.
One of our cars (and although that phrase makes me sound like a ball-ah!! who has soo many cars...we only have two.) but the one that I drive everyday needed a routine oil change. Asian husband offered to drive the car to the dealership in the morning before work to drop it off. Since, the only car seat we have for little asian baby would be in the car at the dealership and I would basically be homebound all day, we also arranged for Asian Grandma and Auntie S to come and drive me to the dealership to pick up the car when it was finished.
As Asian Grandma, Auntie S, Little Asian Baby and I were driving around running errands and eating lunch, my mom said "why don't you just let asian husband bring the car home and we'll just drive you around all day if you need to run errands? It'll save us a trip to the dealership and asian husband can drive home himself instead of asking someone for a ride!"
"huh." i thought. Good idea asian grandma, i'll call asian husband and tell him that's the new plan.
So I called asian husband and told him to just bring the car home himself that way it'll be easier for everyone....blah blah blah...good and smart wife I am.
I realized, that since we had changed plans mid-outing...I didn't bring the house key out, because I was thinking that I would be driving my own car home with my own set of keys attached to the key fob.
"OH! DON'T WORRY!!" I said to everyone. "I can just climb up onto the balcony and open the side door! We leave it unlocked just in case something like this happens!!!" So I proudly (and nimbly) scaled the side of the building like spidey-cat-woman and made it onto the balcony.
"JUST WAIT A SEC AND I'LL OPEN THE DOOR!" I said.
I realized that the side door was locked.
"WHY IS THIS DOOR LOCKED? IT'S NEVER LOCKED! HOW COME IT'S LOCKED?? WHO LOCKED IT? WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" was basically what I said.
Turns out, asian husband (who does not adopt my "que sera sera" outlook on life) thought that if an intruder were to decide to break into our house, that said intruder could easily scale the space between the staircase and our balcony (like I did) and steal our ikea furniture, vizio TV and possibly harm myself, himself & or little asian baby.
So. He locked it. (plus during the holiday season, we did see some "suspicious" people "lurking" around the complex so I guess he was right to do so)
Anyway, so there I was stuck on the balcony, unable to get into the house, unable to get back down to the ground, so I had to call asian husband to come and rescue me. What started out as a well intentioned plan to save everyone time, actually ended up being more inconvenient and time consuming in the end.
"You should take some pictures to commemorate your princess moment!" asian grandma said.
So I did.
Asian Grandma, Auntie S and Little Asian Baby on the staircase as I stand stuck on the balcony. You can see that the space between the staircase and balcony is actually quite wide and we live on the second floor so if I had fallen, it would have died!
Asian Grandma, Auntie S and Little Asian Baby killing time by taking a stroll along the path as I watched on from the balcony.
My knight in a black prius coming to save me from my locked balcony!