"my neon thong days are .....over."

Is what I thought as I entered victoria's secret to buy myself some new under-panty-things. What started out as ignorant optimism after little asian baby was born had now turned into self loathing annoyance as I realized that my booty would not return to it's pre-pregnant size. As i contemplated going commando everyday while fishing wedgies out of my ass, I finally decided to get some new under-panty-things.

Bigger, under-panty-things.

oh the joy.

So I remember not that long ago, when victoria's secret had cute panties...pink ones with stars, a cute stripe, polka dots (my personal fav~), but now as i perused the tables all I saw were neon colors, ruffles, rinestones, and adjectives that I thought were only used to describe food. 

"JUICY" "DELICIOUS" "SWEET" not words that any woman I know wants printed on her ass. So then I had a thought. I should design a line of underwear with words like "NO WAY" "DEFINITELY NOT" "NO" "DID YOU LOAD THE DISHWASHER" I would buy them. Wouldn't you? 

So as I headed to the BACK of the store, where they put the REGULAR underwear (what a marketing technique...put all the slutty underwear upfront so all the young attractive people will be visible and hide "attractively challenged" in the back...nice.) I grabbed a couple in my now...ehem...bigger..size and headed toward the register. As I looked at the sad pile of black and white I suddenly felt a sense of rebellion SURGING through my body. I wasn't some old lady with three kids and a weekly book club! I was still YOUNG, I was still YOUTHFUL! I still could bend over without my bones cracking! I didn't have to resort to plain black or white underwear! So I MARCHED MY BOOTY BACK TO THE TABLE AND GRABBED SOME PINK, PLAID, AND POLKA DOTTED PANTIES! VICTORY! I left the store feeling triumphant, with a little pep in my step.

unfortunately....

while I was in my delirium i forgot to check the back of the panties and one of them had a pair of gaudy silver glittered rinestone wings printed on the back. *siGh* oh well. at least no one will see them. hopefully, not even my hubby~ haha.

-little asian girl out.