Wild Kingdom

If a random person entered my house during diaper changes, he/she would, well they would trip over the plethora of toys that little asian baby leaves on the floor. * i think she thinks that they actually BELONG on the floor. Like when I hand her a toy, she just immediately throws it onto the ground...sometimes she even shoves them under the couch* it's like a game she plays.... (the "drive the crazy lady who's always trying to put clothes on me and applauds my poop" crazy game....)

Ok, so if someone were to enter my house during diaper changes they would probably think that there was an episode of "Wild Kingdom" being filmed. Between the pterodactyl (didn't know that pterodactyl started with a "p" did ya???? well, neither did I, GOOGLED IT! ) shrieks and alligator death rolls little asian baby does during diaper changes it is like a jungle here. Jungle-Circus I guess....according to yesterdays post.... Anyways, I don't know why babies HATE and i mean HATE HATE diaper changes, but they do. It's like flipping a turtle onto their backs or something, except you don't change babies just for fun....not that I would flip a turtle onto its back just for fun...or anything....anyway.

Here is what usually goes down during diaper changing time.

step 1: slowly sneak up on the prey and hand her a "forbidden" toy. Like a sparkly hair pin or car keys.

step 2: gently pick up prey. (Be careful not to startle it, or the prey will run away)

step 3: Quickly, but gingerly and while prey is distracted by the forbidden toy put prey, ok ok baby on her back.

step 4: well here is where it becomes a crap shoot. Sometimes little asian baby will by some miracle lie still enough for the WHOLE 7 sec. change. Yup, that's what I said. 7 seconds.

In the event though that she doesn't stay still, here's what happens. (which is actually 95% of the time) First there is snarling, growling, and the gnashing of teeth. And while I'm doing that.. little asian baby is screeching and flailing her arms everywhere. Then comes the death roll. It's like the one that alligators do when they get captured. Baby tries to roll, crawl, twist, or squirm away as fast as she can to allude her captor! (that would be me)

At the end of the change I'm usually on the floor with little asian baby sitting on my back, holding the roll of duct tape I gave her as the "forbidden" toy.

see.

wild kingdom.

So this got me thinking. I think the cavemen, or should I say cave women had it right. They didn't not diaper their babies because they were of lesser intelligence. They actually were of higher intelligence, because they knew that there were better, more important things to do in life like kill mastodons and invent wheels and fire! Maybe if we stopped wasting time diapering we could invent useful things like a spray to prevent fruit flies from forming, or a spray to dissolve baby snot so that we wouldn't have to suction (OMG WHICH IS ANOTHER WHOLE EPISODE, ORDEAL, TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE OF ITS OWN) or a spray to get husbands to empty out the diaper genie. (not you honey, you always take it out..thank you! loVe ya!)

just something to think about people!

-little asian girl