Did you get dressed in the dark?

So every Saturday morning I go to church for morning prayer. It is pretty uneventful considering that it starts at 6 in the morning, and mostly everyone (except me of course!) looks like they just crawled out of bed and grabbed what ever oversized jacket they could find to hide their pj's. Anyway, so as I was sitting there sleeping..i mean listening...to the pastor's sermon, and in walked this lady wearing the MOST HIDEOUS outfit I've seen in a long time and OF COURSE she sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME! oh the joy. 

Now we all know that retro 80's fashion is totally in...(it's true, I read it on the internet!)  but what happens to 80's fashion in the hands and mind of a fashionista and this lady are two TOTALLY different things.

So let's start with the hair. Now this lady had crimped, and I mean CRIMPED her hair. Then if that wasn't bad enough, she then sprayed it to a crisp with hair spray, like a chola chick, but she's a 40 something korean woman so... THEN to top it all off, she put it half up and half down with a blue bejeweled rinestone clip which was not cute or even that sparkly. It was most likely "hecho in chine" (made in china) because, you could see the dried hot glue around the rinestones and the silver coating was chipping off. I totally hate half up hair do's cuz it reminds me of orlando bloom in Lord of the rings, and even he with that beautiful face, can't pull it off.

Then comes the outfit. MAN OH MAN THE OUTFIT! (insert HUGH sigh and eye blinking roll HERE!)

She was wearing a white t-shirt UNDER a KNIT tank top that had three shades of blue cascading downward with JEAN BERMUDAS. WHAT?! I KNOW!! Not ONLY jean bermudas though,  jean bermudas WITH OPAQUE STOCKINGS! And luckily for us it get's EVEN better..well worse actually, but better for us. With this "lovely" ensemble she also was wearing OPEN TOE wedge sandals with faux LAVENDER leather for the straps, and the shoes also had GOLD GLITTER BOWS glued to the front of them! AWESOME!   

just kill me now. 

but here is the "piece de resistance", as if the outfit wasn't complete enough the way it was, she wore an anklet OVER the stocking which came with matching bracelets (one for each wrist of course) and earrings, and she was wearing them all! (They were however, very appropriately made of cross pendants, so good for her) OMG I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE! My eyes bulged so far out of their sockets that if anyone had looked over at me they would have thought I was having a stroke!

My brain couldn't grasp how any person, man, woman, or 4 yr. old child even, could dress that badly. So to keep my mind from EXPLODING from the thought, I just decided to believe that since it was SO early in the morning, she must have just got dressed in the dark and I prayed for her.