cakes and crafts~

So along with child rearing and blogging, my other hobbies include cooking and crafting. And although I am not a novice baker, I am a novice cake decorator and that's why you can see all of the off set spatula marks on my cakes. I do have to say though that I am an EXPERT crafter, and if I could just figure out how to get on that TLC show Craft Wars, I would. So if you ever run into Tori Spelling on Rodeo Drive or someone asks you "Hey do you know anyone who wants to be on Craft Wars?" Tell them little asian girl is interested.  Also, if you ever came to my house I would show you my dedicated "craft room/area" and show you my vats of scrapbooking paper and craft supplies. I have enough foam, glue, glitter and paint to rebuild hansel and gretel's house into P-diddy's mansion. Anyways, here are some pictures of the latest things I baked and some pictures of craft things i made here and there~ OH, and some pictures of little asian baby's first birthday.

lemon blueberry cake with lemon icing. 

ombre (or as my hubby affectionately calls it...tye dye) vanilla cake

Lavender and lemon cake. I was trying to practice the frosting technique with this one.

baby bird cupcakes for a baby shower

flag cake for this past fourth of July

wedding favors for my best friend's wedding 

paper topiaries for little O's 1st birthday!

the party we had at our house for little asian baby's friends

the cookies were NOT tasty, because of the royal icing I used..but at least they were cute!

I bought this handy little pom pom making contraption thing at michael's to make these

I just snatched ALL the paint sample swatches from home depot in every color I wanted to make these. My mom said it was very "ballsy" of me....that's how I roll mom. Ballsy. 

I used the hearts that I punched from the paint swatch cards as "confetti" on the table

cupcakes I made for the family birthday party. Yes yes , we had two parties. Oh and that's little asian baby in her little Korean dress and asian husband. (he's not like little)

So here is a little look into our world! Can you tell I just learned how to post photos to my blog and that's why I photo-bombed you!

-little asian girl

"You can't be funny everyday~"

Is what my mom said to me. I was lamenting about how, since now I have TONS of followers on this little blog of mine, I feel pressure not to disappoint. I feel like every post should contain the same amount of wit, candor, confusion, and humor that my readers have come to expect. I'M TRYING TO SET A STANDARD HERE PEOPLE!!! I think it was my mom's attempt to encourage me or something, but even as I write this post a day later, I'm still not sure...

I got to thinking about how a lot of good things self destruct from the pressures of fame and fortune. Heroes, The Office, Lindsay Lohan....all cut down at the pinnacle of their success because they couldn't hack it! (I know The Office is still on, but ever since Steve Carrell left I feel the show has gone down the deep dark tunnel that leads to cancellation and not syndication) And although fortune from my blog currently eludes me, I am becoming pretty famous.... (HA! is heard around orange county were all of my followers currently reside...how sad. I don't even have any followers outside one county.) Anyways, the point is, I hope that I can keep entertaining my audience with the random stories of my life, and I am totally always appreciative of the time and effort it takes to read someone's blog after a busy day.

So if you see a lifetime movie where Lucy Liu plays a crazy little asian girl who once had a successful start to a blog but became another bloggywood statistic and was overcome by her addiction to cupcakes and all things sparkly you should know that they're talking about me. But I guess until that happens, I'll keep on writing this blog and remember what my mom said.

OR I'll just copy and paste the address to this post after every future post I write.

-little asian girl

"No one ever starved because they were too smart!"

Is what my grandmother told me when I said little asian baby isn't much like a baby at all. She seems more like a very small, kid. I mean i know she's a "kid" but she just seems more mature than a 1 yr old should be. (and I'm not just saying this because she's my kid, TWO other people have said it as well, so it must be true.) Anyway, my grandmother always tells me weird things like that when I voice concerns about little asian baby.

Me: "Grandma, I'm kind of worried that she's not eating much"
Grandma: "No one ever lost a race because they were too thin!"

Me: "Grandma, I'm kind of worried she's not talking yet"
Grandma: "No one ever got into trouble because they didn't talk much!"

Me: "Grandma, I'm kind of worried she doesn't poop everyday"
Grandma: "Nothing goes in, so nothing comes out!"

????HUH???? What you say???

yeah, that's the look I give her a lot of the times. Things must get lost in translation....or she's just losing her mind now that she's 79. My grandmother. Oh how I love her. She is my mother's mother and little asian baby's great grandmother. She is fiery, sharp as a tack, loving, caring, raised 5 kids of her own BUT she also wouldn't hesitate to cut you in a knife fight, so..... Oh and the woman can grow ANYTHING. Talk about green thumb, she is a giant green appendage! She once put an avocado seed into a cup with some water and gravel and it grew into a plant. She also recently put a yam half into a glass with water; it sprouted and the plant has grown so tall that she has tethered it to a wire up against the wall.

Fire hazard anyone?

Do I smell toasted yams?
YuM!
Oh wait no...it's just grandma's house.

We're lucky to have her in our lives.

-little asian girl

"You still have a choice! SAVE YOURSELF!"

Is what I said to my husband today while we were driving to my in laws. No, it wasn't that he could jump out of the car before getting there. (my in laws are great btw, great parents, grandparents and in laws to our little asian family so i'm just being dramatic) We were talking about how we never get "alone" time...AND BEFORE YOUR MIND STARTS GOING IN THE GUTTER!!!!! (geez..ppl! read a newspaper or watch some CNN!) I am referring to "alone" time as time for each of us to spend by ourselves. alone. Without each other or little asian baby around. I was asking hubby if he missed partying with his friends or going racing at the track, stuff he used to do before he was married with a mortgage and a wife/kid to support. Things that people do before they become grown ups with actual grown up things to do like going to work on time and replacing words like sH*t and f**k with "please" and "thank you". He thought about it for a sec and said "No..now if I have time to do something I'd rather stay home, sit naked on the couch and watch tv with the air conditioner blasting!"

"You still have a choice! SAVE YOURSELF" was my reply.

I don't know if it's because I'm a nursing mom or if little asian baby is just a momma's girl, but I can't leave her for more than 2 hrs before she either needs to be nursed or just starts losing it because she needs mommy. And most of the time I can't even leave her for more than 30 min. (it's not as wonderful and sweet as it sounds people...CAN I HEAR AN AMEN! that's the baptist preacher in me btw..I can also feel the glaring eyes of judgement coming through the screen from all the mothers who are against "attachment parenting" and were sending their children to Africa for summer camp by the time their kids could walk, but WHATEVER!)

So, even though I can't leave little asian baby somewhere and go off by myself to buy some shoes, eat a hundred cupcakes, take a few shots...at least I can give my hardworking hubby some alone time so he can sit on the couch naked while watching tv with the air conditioning blasting.

-little asian girl AND little asian baby out!

"roseola?? Isn't that what dogs get?!"

Is what my dear friend Stacy asked me when i spoke to her this morning. Subsequently, she inspired me to write this post so I am dedicating this one to her! My funny, smart, thoughtful and caring friend! Little asian baby and myself are lucky to have her in our lives!

So I recently posted that little asian baby had a run with the POINTLESS baby illness roseola. I had been email blasting my friends at 2 in the morning complaining about the lack of sleep and 102 fevers but alas we have VICTORY! (over the illness that is.....not the lack of sleep~) Roseola, btw, is not a dog disease. Just a people disease. Actually, just a baby disease. Maybe I should stop calling it a disease.....illness...ILLNESS I SAY! (sorry, got a little over zealous there..)

Anyways, after I hung up with my friend, I got to thinking about how having a baby IS really like having a dog or any other household pet. I actually do give this analogy to my childless friends (lucky bastards!). BUT I don't tell them that actually it's a GAZILLION BAZILLION MAZILLION times harder. Why don't I tell them you ask???? Well, because I'm evil like that and I like to watch people FALL FROM THEIR SUGARY PINK CLOUD OF BLISSFUL IGNORANCE TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF REALITY!! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
.....
........
please still be my friend.

ANYWAY, so I tell them that if they can take reasonably good care of a pet, then they probably won't kill their kid anytime soon. (That is until they become teenagers and the whole teenage angst thing kicks in...not that I would kill my kid...or anything...like..that...) I mean if you think about it you need to give a baby food, water, a clean place to sleep. You have to pick up after them; their toys, their clothes, their poop etc. OH, and don't forget the toys! Balls with bells, stuffed animals to attack hug...chew toys..i mean "teething" toys etc. (although I'm pretty sure that pet toys are not "BPA FREE" and all toys are "MADE IN CHINA"  anyway so we should assume that some pet toys made it into the baby aisle.....) You have to make sure baby is up to date on their shots and when you take them to the park you have to make sure they "play nice" with others. We teach them tricks like how to wave "bye bye" and how to "sit"...the babies i mean..not the dogs...well dogs too...but OH YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!

I guess the only thing you can't really do with a baby that you can do with a dog is, you can't leave them at home alone while you go and enjoy a nice childless night of clubbing and drinking eating dinner and watching a movie with your other childless friends. And you can't leave a child unattended in a room while you fold the laundry or have guests over. (At least not until they become teenagers and the whole teenage angst kicks in)

** Geez, I'm actually looking forward to the teenage years now...I might be childless because A. I either killed them or B. They'll actually NOT want to spend every waking minute with me!.....one can dream..**

So to all you childless couples out there who have pets: The next time someone passes judgement on you for not having kids, do what people with kids do. Brag about how your cat can flush the toilet and how your dog can wave bye bye in three languages. Bore them with the hundreds of photos you have stored on your iphone and show them the cute outfits you've put together for their next birthday! Then say something snippy like "well at least my nipples didn't turn black and I don't have that pooch on my tummy where the baby used to be.." (or if you do have a pooch *no pun intended* you can insert any other unfortunate pregnancy side effect insult here....there are many...trust me. GOOGLE IT!) AND THEN proceed to direct them to this post.

Thank you.

-little asian girl out~

"....maybe your baby will be slutty?"

Now, to my audience. 

Before I proceed with this post, I do have to say that if you are one of those people who want to believe that all babies are bouncing bundles of joy, plopped down from heaven to bring us rainbows and sprinkles need not continue to read this email. 

But if you are not, then please go ahead and enjoy! 

*and yes yes, I know that there is a nice cozy place for me in hell for insinuating that a baby could possibly be slutty, but what's a little asian girl to do when something is sooo funny!**

So I joined a baby forum, where myself and other sleep deprived mothers can share stories about baby poop and breast pumps. Basically things that normal people care NOTHING about.... It's quite hilarious; the different types of topics that arise and I can truly say that some people are just idiots! There are plenty of stories of mothers claiming that their babies are GENIUSES who could walk and talk as soon as they exited the womb and a zillion posts about mother's who are worried sick about their constipated babies. BUT the best one was from a mother who was "concerned" about her 6 month old daughter who started to touch her "privacy" The post read something like this:

"Today while I was changing DD's (darling daughter's) diaper, she reached down and definitely "touched" her vagina. I know boys do it, because their privates just are out there, but has anyone had any experience with this?" 

So as I was reading this I was thinking? WHAT? YOUR KID IS ONLY 6 MONTHS OLD, they don't even know that they have arms and legs let alone a private part! I was sure that this mother was just another one of those super drama mama's who cried wolf every time, but then strangely enough other mother's started posting their experiences with this particular situation. 

"Oh, my DD does this too when we're in the bath!"

"Yup, my LO (little one) does this when I'm changing her diaper too!" 

So i thought, hmmm...maybe there's something to this odd behavior presenting itself at such a young age? With the teen pregnancy epidemic on the rise and with our youth being exposed to things WAAYY beyond their years at a younger and younger age, maybe we can predict in some way whether our children are going to contribute or hinder the progress of their generation. For example, if I saw my little asian baby starting to fondle herself at 6 months of age, you betcher ass I'm gonna strap a chastity belt on her by the time she could walk. Or i would be aware of these "tendencies" and if my little asian baby told me one day at 16 yrs old that she was pregnant, I would reflect back and say to myself.."well....I guess I shoulda known...." 

So what I wanted to say to these women (but because I didn't want to sound like a total ass, i didn't) was...."maybe your baby will be slutty?" and hoped that the post would get lost in the shuffle and that MY little asian baby wouldn't have any friends like that in the future....

-little asian girl

update on last posting~

So turns out that little asian baby had the roseola virus. It presents like a really bad flu, but actually it's a different virus all together. Good news is that she's on the mend and the worst of it is over. Bad news is that she has a rash over most of her body and I'm afraid people are going to think she has the plague or something. haha.

peace out~

-little asian girl

I'm so desperate for alone time.........

...that I'm sitting here on my couch at 2am watching little asian baby's disney junior channel. Handy Manny is on. It's a show about a handy man named Manny and his tools, who can talk and move. They speak some words in spanish and I think it's Disney's attempt to introduce kids to new languages and cultures. It's kind of racist if you think about it. Why is the Handy man mexican? And why does the last name of the only asian family on the show have to be Lee? And why do the "lee" kids have SUPER fobby names like Nelson??? Why are their eyes all chinky?? Inquiring minds want to know......

I am sick.

Anyways, little asian baby has had a cold for the past two days. If I haven't mentioned before....

I HATE COLDS!!!!!!!!

if you ever have an enemy, and that enemy has kids. Wish upon them that their kid gets a cold. It will be revenge enough. trust me.

So after a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG weekend (yes yes I am aware that it's only Saturday, but that's how long this one day has been for me) of runny noses, 101 temp fevers, cold medicine stains, whining, crying, screaming, praying. I am sitting here sleep deprived, exhausted, drained, delirious, achy, and alone.

heaven.

oh, and i also ate half a carton of Spumoni ice cream.

L.A.G. out.

(maybe I shouldn't use the acronym.)