"roseola?? Isn't that what dogs get?!"

Is what my dear friend Stacy asked me when i spoke to her this morning. Subsequently, she inspired me to write this post so I am dedicating this one to her! My funny, smart, thoughtful and caring friend! Little asian baby and myself are lucky to have her in our lives!

So I recently posted that little asian baby had a run with the POINTLESS baby illness roseola. I had been email blasting my friends at 2 in the morning complaining about the lack of sleep and 102 fevers but alas we have VICTORY! (over the illness that is.....not the lack of sleep~) Roseola, btw, is not a dog disease. Just a people disease. Actually, just a baby disease. Maybe I should stop calling it a disease.....illness...ILLNESS I SAY! (sorry, got a little over zealous there..)

Anyways, after I hung up with my friend, I got to thinking about how having a baby IS really like having a dog or any other household pet. I actually do give this analogy to my childless friends (lucky bastards!). BUT I don't tell them that actually it's a GAZILLION BAZILLION MAZILLION times harder. Why don't I tell them you ask???? Well, because I'm evil like that and I like to watch people FALL FROM THEIR SUGARY PINK CLOUD OF BLISSFUL IGNORANCE TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF REALITY!! MUHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
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please still be my friend.

ANYWAY, so I tell them that if they can take reasonably good care of a pet, then they probably won't kill their kid anytime soon. (That is until they become teenagers and the whole teenage angst thing kicks in...not that I would kill my kid...or anything...like..that...) I mean if you think about it you need to give a baby food, water, a clean place to sleep. You have to pick up after them; their toys, their clothes, their poop etc. OH, and don't forget the toys! Balls with bells, stuffed animals to attack hug...chew toys..i mean "teething" toys etc. (although I'm pretty sure that pet toys are not "BPA FREE" and all toys are "MADE IN CHINA"  anyway so we should assume that some pet toys made it into the baby aisle.....) You have to make sure baby is up to date on their shots and when you take them to the park you have to make sure they "play nice" with others. We teach them tricks like how to wave "bye bye" and how to "sit"...the babies i mean..not the dogs...well dogs too...but OH YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!

I guess the only thing you can't really do with a baby that you can do with a dog is, you can't leave them at home alone while you go and enjoy a nice childless night of clubbing and drinking eating dinner and watching a movie with your other childless friends. And you can't leave a child unattended in a room while you fold the laundry or have guests over. (At least not until they become teenagers and the whole teenage angst kicks in)

** Geez, I'm actually looking forward to the teenage years now...I might be childless because A. I either killed them or B. They'll actually NOT want to spend every waking minute with me!.....one can dream..**

So to all you childless couples out there who have pets: The next time someone passes judgement on you for not having kids, do what people with kids do. Brag about how your cat can flush the toilet and how your dog can wave bye bye in three languages. Bore them with the hundreds of photos you have stored on your iphone and show them the cute outfits you've put together for their next birthday! Then say something snippy like "well at least my nipples didn't turn black and I don't have that pooch on my tummy where the baby used to be.." (or if you do have a pooch *no pun intended* you can insert any other unfortunate pregnancy side effect insult here....there are many...trust me. GOOGLE IT!) AND THEN proceed to direct them to this post.

Thank you.

-little asian girl out~