Occasionally I find.....

my utensil drawer like this.

whhhaaatt tthhe....right?

Well, I would like to tell you that I got so lazy one day that I just threw the utensils into the drawer with literally no rhyme or reason, but actually little asian baby did it. It's her attempt to help me around the kitchen. It's actually quite cute. And I was pleasantly surprised that she had been paying attention to me unloading the dishwasher every single morning and actually decided to help me one day. And I suppose when she becomes tall enough to actually see where she's putting the forks, spoons and spatulas she'll get them into the right compartments, but until then I'm just glad that she's taking to domestic duties. Plus finding drawers like this around the house is one of the perks of being a parent to a toddler. It's just fun.

Now only if she'd learn the fold the laundry instead of playing with the piles that I JUST folded.....

-little asian girl

"oh..that's nice."

Is what I said 20 minutes ago at 2:30AM. (yeah that's right I said 2:30AM!!) Ironically or maybe sadly is the more accurate term, it's not the first time I've said "oh..that's nice." at 2:30AM...

I've said it sarcastically before at 2:30AM because I'm annoyed that my biological clock is as all jacked upped due to night nursing and I wake up at random times at night even if little asian baby isn't awake. I've also said it while being SUPREMELY annoyed at 2:30AM, that little asian baby has kicked me (YET AGAIN) during HER peaceful slumber. (Notice I said HER peaceful slumber, because there's actually NOTHING peaceful about co-sleeping with a toddler. They don't even let you cuddle with them while they're sleeping so it's a double boo!) but the reason as to WHY I said it this time might be the first. I can tell you're super curious now as to why I said "oh..that's nice." at 2:30AM and the longer I wait to tell you as to why I said "oh..that's nice." at 2:30AM is just making you go crazy with curiosity. So maybe I'll just type some more nonsense..bLAh BLaH..bLAH BLAH biDDy bLaH BlOOp blah~....

ok ok..so the reason why I said "oh..that's nice." at 2:30AM (yeah yeah, I know it's getting old~) is because I got my "monthly cycle"! HURRAY, and I am actually genuinely happy that I got it. Since asian husband and I are not planning to have another child until our current child can speak in complete sentences I am genuinely not bothered by the fact that I got my period. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT I SAID PERIOD!

period.

Anyway, I was kind of getting nervous, because I had gotten my period in the month of January but not in the month of February and was considering taking a pregnancy test...but fortunately my body has saved me the agony/stress of taking the test and the whirlwind of questions that chaotically swirl through your mind as you wait for the stick to reveal one line or two...oh and 11 dollars since that's how much a box of tests costs..so...

I'M GOOD!

And although I know that when nursing mothers start getting their cycle back it can be inconsistent... I realized that I was just trying to convince myself of that fact, and was hoping (more so than I thought) that I would get my cycle soon. So here I am at what is now 3:30AM, squandering my precious sleeping minutes away to blog about the AM event that surprised and affected me enough that I felt the need to blog about it IMMEDIATELY.

Of course I know that, I'm not the only woman in the world who is happy when her cycle returns, although I might be the only woman who feels the need to blog about it. Idiotic teens who "forget" to use birth control/condoms and drunk club girls with questionable decision making skills can probably relate..but I thought it would give you something to read and maybe you'd get a chuckle or two out of it.

The only downside to the cycle returning, is now I have to tell my grandmother (yet again) that I'm still not pregnant and hear what she has to say. yay.

** side note  **
When I told my grandmother that I hadn't gotten my period last month, this is what she said "PLEASE DON'T GET IT! PLEASE DON'T GET IT!" and even as I write this I wonder why I even tell my grandmother these things. OH RIGHT IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S WEIRD AND NOSY AND ALWAYS ASKS! I gotta stop visiting her.....

-little asian girl

"OOOOOHHHH CCCRRRAAAAAAPPPP!!"

Is what I said (loudly) to myself as I watched the plate of angel food cake go FLYING off of my car in the rear view mirror with a CRASH so loud I heard it while I was driving away.....

*reWind*

SOOO a few weeks ago, my aunt from New Jersey came to visit. She had just retired from YEARS as a postal worker and came to Cali to visit her sisters and parents. It was her last day in Cali (yes I am going to refer to California as "Cali" for the entire duration of this post. DEAL WITH IT!) and she wanted to see little asian baby, so I hauled my ass booty down to orange county to see her before she had to leave for the airport. Now, I love my Aunt Patty a lot. She's super funny and fun to be around. She's always cracking jokes and making us laugh, so I was happy to see her. The night before I was to go to my grandmother's (where my aunt patty was staying while she was in Cali) I decided to bake an angel food cake. Since I was going there during breakfast hours, and didn't want to only eat veggies and dip (the only thing my grandmother serves for breakfast) so I baked. In the morning, I cut asian hubby a slice of cake and since now the angel food cake (obviously) had a piece missing I thought I would just cut up the rest of it into slices as to hide the evidence that someone else had already helped himself to some.. I was in a semi-rush, as all mother's of toddlers who are trying to get out of the house always are, so I guess my mind was a little scattered. (YES YES MORE SO THAN MY USUAL COO COO CA CHOO STATE OF MIND!) So after wrestling with asian baby for 20 minutes I finally got her diaper changed and dressed for the day and I took my plate of cake as well as my other baggage (figuratively and literally) and got down to the car. Now since I am no Houdini or even David Blaine, I couldn't levitate the plate, the bag and the baby so I just placed the plate on top of the car while I put little asian baby in the car seat. Then I promptly hopped into the car and went on my way.

While I was stopped a light right in front of our place, I remember a guy honking at me when the light turned green. At the time I thought that the person was just being a dope head (yeah I said dope head) and being SUPER rude/impatient about the light that had JUST turned green, but now I realize, they were just being a good samaritan and trying to warn the crazy little asian girl that there was a plate of cake on her car.

So that is how I came to watch one of my dinner plates fly off my car along with my expectations for a breakfast that didn't include radishes and thousand island dressing.

-little asian girl

"sWeet! COOkiEs!!" 

" hmm..I wonder what kind they are? Hopefully chocolate chip..."

"ahh well..a cookie is a cookie.."

"cRuNch..cRUnCh...mUNch..."

"...oatmeal pecan.....NOT what I was expecting...."

-little asian girl

"Uh oH"

A few weeks ago, I started a new job at a local church. Yes, yes I said CHURCH! Anyway, since I work at a church my "work day" is basically Sunday. So every Sunday morning I have to leave little asian baby with asian husband while little asian momma goes off the work. It's been kind of a rocky road, since little asian baby had never spent more than an hour or so with asian husband by herself without me, but ever since she turned 17 or so months she has warmed up to daddy quite considerably. (Much to my relief!) 

Now, none of this information that I have just given you has anything to do with the story I'm about to tell, but I just thought it would be nice for you to know! 

So here is what I was going to write about all along. This past Sunday I decided to get up early, well..extra early since we all get up around 7am thanks to little asian baby....... but I decided to get up EXTRA early (6am) so's that I could take a shower, finish assembling Valentine's day cookies for the church people, and still have enough time to get hair and makeup done and be out of the house by NO LATER than 8am. When I awoke from the already precious little sleep I get anyways (thanks again to little asian baby.....) she was still asleep. Now usually, little asian baby sleeps from about 4am to 7am without stirring. How do I know this you ask? Because I'm her mom is the answer. 

However...

As all moms know, the day that you decided to change up any part of the daily routine, even if you just think silently in your mind that this might be something you will do, the little stinkers sense it and they change up their routine too so as to ruin the change you wanted to make. 

Make sense?

So what I mean is, reasonable doubt may get you a free pass in a court of law, but if you have any sort of doubt in your mind that your baby who has been sleeping from 4am-7am for the past 5 months will now all of a sudden wake up at 6am because you decided to be productive and get an early start to the day.....all will be ruined. 

As was the case this past Sunday. As I slowly slipped out of bed to take my shower, I had a feeling in my gut that as soon as I turned the water on and stepped in the shower little asian baby would wake up. I of course took my shower in the second bathroom which is on the other side of the house, but didn't matter. I think little asian baby "sensed" that I was no longer lying next to her. So as I quickly lathered, rinsed and did not repeat, I kept hearing what I thought were "phantom" cries from little asian baby. (that's a real thing by the way, ask any mother. You hear your baby crying all the time, in the shower, while you're sleeping, while your baby is at grandma's and you're out alone......) Then I heard a "thump" which I hoped was just the upstairs neighbor dropping his morning cereal box... (in actuality it was asian husband flinging the door of his bedroom open to run to little asian baby's aid, because momma still hasn't learned that she no longer can control anything...) I quickly rinsed the last of the soap suds off of my body and hoped that when I opened the bathroom door the only sounds in the house would be of asian husband's snoring, but ALAS!!! Cries from little asian baby could be heard from miles away! So what did I do?

I dried myself off in a nano second, wrapped my wet hair turban style, and ran across the living room (sans clothing) to assess the damage. There was asian husband, blurry eyed and still a little dazed trying to comfort little asian baby who was rolling around the bed crying hysterically. I rushed to baby's side and quickly gave her the boob. It calmed her down instantly, but the damage had already been done. There was no going back, to sleep that is. Little asian baby was up, an hour earlier than normal, and I could feel in my bones that this was NOT a good start to the day. 

Little asian baby must have felt the same way, because after she finished nursing, she looked straight up at me and said...

"uh oh."

Yup. My sentiments exactly.

Then she said it again, "Uh OH!" I think to really drive the point home.

Needless to say, she was cranky the rest of the day and asian husband told me that while I was gone baby had a MAJOR meltdown and cried hysterically and wasn't consolable. 

Lesson learned little asian baby. Lesson learned.

-little asian girl out!

young love.....

In lieu of the upcoming Valentine's day, I thought I'd share my thoughts about love.

Now, I'm sure you probably already know, but I am NOT a hopeless romantic by any means. I play on the "Valentine's day is for suckers" team, and I remember telling my mother in high school that I wouldn't want a guy to buy me flowers, because they eventually die and that's just dumb.

Yeah. I'm that girl.

Asian husband is so lucky. .....right?....

Anyway, the reason why I was even thinking about love, was because yesterday while I was at my local hot dog/corn dog fast food joint, I saw two young college kids on, what seemed like, a date. So after I ordered my 15 corn dogs, 5 hot dogs, 4 orders of chili cheese fries, and a root beer float.........

I sat to spy on observe the two young idiots kids, because I like to be nosy and stare and random people doing random things.

As I watched this young couple, girl foolishly giggling at whatever nonsensical joke the guy was making. They were so googly eyed and in their own world, I thought to myself, "Oh young love. So innocent, so pure, so STUPID!"

Ok, so now that I'm 30, married, with a kid and all, I do feel that I can say with (some) authority what love quite possibly could be and most definitely is not.

As I sat and watched the two googley eyed "lovebirds" I just wanted to pull her aside and say "GGIIRRRLLLL....lemme tell you how this "love story" is going to end.."

To you. Young, naive, blinded by "love" girl who's on a date right now at a fast food joint:

"You're probably thinking right now that this is one of the BEST dates you've ever been on right? You're thinking..OH HOW SWEET!! He took me to get fast food! How cute and romantic! We can share chili fries and I can get a milk shake~ I can tell my girlfriends that we laughed and laughed and made silly inside jokes about the annoying cashier. Then after "dinner" we're probably going back to his place and we'll "do it" all night long on his floor futon! Well, reality is, this guy is (sadly) not the first broke ass loser you're going to date. Fast food and futons maybe seem (oddly) romantic and carefree, but trust me. It gets real old. real fast. You'll soon yearn to eat at a place that doesn't have plastic utensils and when you're prince charming's roommate knocks on the door while the two of you are STILL doing it on the futon, because he can't afford a REAL bed....you're gonna wanna drop this dude in a hot minute!"

So as I grabbed my enormous amount of food and walked out the door, I saw the starry eyed couple get in HER car and I thought..

"yeah..that's definitely going to work.."

*siGh* young love. I hope they have a happy Valentine's day and she doesn't get too awestruck by the ring pop he decides to give her.

-little asian girl

"GO GET A JOB!"

Last week, I went to the market with little asian baby. Going anywhere with a toddler is always touch and go. You never know which toddler you're going to be bringing into the market with you. The little asian baby that WAS happy when you put her in the car could turn into grouchy little asian baby on the 5 min drive to the market because the sun was in her face. Or the little asian baby that had just taken a 2.5 hr nap could still be cranky and irritable. It's like opening an Easter egg. A different prize every time!

Anyway, so after I carried her downstairs, loaded her into the car, drove down the street, unloaded her from the car, carried her into the market, and was grabbing the shopping cart, OF COURSE I realized that I had forgotten my wallet at home.

Joy.

So I picked her back up out of the shopping cart, loaded her back into the car, drove back up the street, unloaded her again, carried her up the stairs, grabbed my wallet....and the whole circus came to town again!

(don't worry, I didn't just waste 2 minutes of your day just to tell you every mundane step to taking little asian baby to the market..)

So as I was pulling into the market parking lot (for the second time in 20 minutes) I saw some open spaces right in front! You know the one. Not the handicap one (which really is the best spot...) but you know the one NEXT to the handicap spot that's close enough to the cart collecting thing so that you can put the cart back like a good citizen and also close enough to the market doors, so if you only had a basket you could carry all the bags without needing a trip to the emergency room for a fractured ulna? (yeah, I know that's a bone in the arm!) I was elated that at least I could get a good spot after all the trouble I had gone through, but upon a further (more detailed) look, I saw a white minivan parked HORIZONTALLY across the spot, therefore blocking anyone from taking it. PLUS TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE!! (well at least worse for me..) there seemed to be two high school kids who looked like they had just stepped out of a Vanilla Ice music video standing next to the van.

Now, if you know anything about me so far, you know that I generally dislike all people. BUT young, clueless, plastic gold chain wearing, hat to the side sporting, baggy pants, hanging out in the middle of a parking lot on a school day hooligans ANNOY ME THE MOST!!!!

Now these two "irritants" were standing with the van door open, talking to some other dude who looked like he was still clinging onto his high school glory days (even though he probably was like 30) and when I looked INSIDE the van, it seemed as if the kids were trying to sell some sort of (probably bootlegged, imitation, made in my momma's backyard) electronic equipment!

REALLY?? ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???

needless to say, I was supremely annoyed and wanted to yell out the window.." GO GET A JOB OR AN EDUCATION!!"

but I didn't because they drove off and I got to park in the "good" spot anyway.

that's it.

-little asian girl

Dear adoring fans...

To my dear and loyal fans. I apologize that I haven't blogged in ages. I recently started a new job, (YES I SAID JOB!) So along with being a stay at home mom, I am also gainfully employed. Therefore, I haven't had much time so do anything else, let alone blog. The laundry has been sitting in the dryer (don't worry it's dry) for about a week without being folded. Wrinkles have been permanently set in asian husband's shirts and the only reason I HAD to fold it tonight, was because I need to do a new load tomorrow and (obviously) need the dryer.

So as soon as the "new kid at the new job" thing wears off I'll try to resume blogging at a more normal pace. In the meantime I will try to post as often as I can. I know you're in withdrawal.....

Thanks for reading!

-little asian girl