"Are you for real right now?"

Long time ago, when asian husband and I was watching some sort of Dateline special or something, there was a story of a teenager who got shot by his crazy "lover" who was actually an old lady. And I mean like mid 50's 250lb deranged lunatic who was all types of CRaZeEe "lover" (Obviously she was a pedophile, but that's not the point of this story.) Anyway, the teenager who survived the shooting was saying that when he was shot he said to her "Are you for real right now? Did you just shoot me right now?"

Now as tragic as the story is, asian husband and I thought it was funny that after being shot that's what you would say. ( yes, yes we're heartless like that...OK OK actually I'M the heartless one...asian husband is actually a saint..but whatever. OPPOSITES ATTRACT AND THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!!!!!)

........

Anyways, if I were that kid I would have been like "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU F-ING BEECH!!!!!" (since I don't use profanity. except damn. and ass. and sometimes crap.)

..... don't judge me ....

but I guess the poor kid was just in shock.

Why am I telling you this you ask? No, I'm not going to confess that I just shot asian husband "for real right now", but I'm rambling on about a dateline special we saw years ago to say that now, every time something ridiculous happens, asian husband and I quote those words of astute observation.

So when we went to Costco last weekend, we had cause to utter those famous words.

I have a love hate relationship with Costco. I mean where else can you feel pure unadulterated happiness upon finding the 1000 lb bag of flour for 2 bucks and the bright burning rage of bumper to bumper cart traffic? Right? So we were in the parking lot, little asian baby in toe, waiting for the ONE parking spot that opened out of hundreds available WHICH WERE ALL TAKEN TOO! (It's like NO ONE ever really leaves Costco or the parking lot, but people keep going in.) We were patiently waiting with our blinker CLEARLY blinking WHEN A CAR ACTUALLY DROVE AROUND US AND TOOK OUR SPOT!

"ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???"

It was an old elderly couple. Like grandma is in a walker and grandpa might keel over if someone drives over his oxygen tank tube kind of old. We were annoyed, but another spot opened up RIGHT next to the one that had been STOLEN from us so we were some what ok with it.

AND THEN ANOTHER CAR JUST DRIVES RIGHT INTO THE SPACE WE WERE CLEARLY WAITING FOR!!

"ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW???

AND IT WAS ANOTHER OLD GRANDPA MAN AGAIN!!!!!! and this one was wearing those black out shades, like the kind you get after eye surgery to block all light from burning your retinas. Yeah that grandpa guy!

GEEESH!! YO ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW SENIOR CITIZEN PEOPLE????

So I decided that when I get old and senile, I'm not going to give a shit about anybody and do whatever the hell I want and drive all fucking crazy and if people don't like it then they can take it up with my cojones~ (that's spanish for BALLS!)

and yeah I'm "FOR REALZ RIGHT NOW!"

-little asian girl OUT~