10 things every new parent should know.....

Ok, so before any of you veteran moms/parents start wagging your finger at me for being arrogant, I want to CLEARLY state that I am NOT saying that I know it all. Nor am I saying that I have experienced everything to experience about parenting and have all the answers. BUT I have been a mom, a nursing mom, for the past 14 months, so I do know a lil' sumthin' sumthin'...and would like to share my acquired knowledge with all you soon to be suckers parents out there.

1. Your life becomes a "when you can" life. Eat when you can. Shower when you can. Poop when you can... Everyone starts saying stuff like. "Oh, just get to it when you can..." "call me when you can" "Clean the house when you can.." (to which I respond: "GIRL!!!!! WHEN I ACTUALLY GET A CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING, CALLING YOU WON'T BE THE FIRST THING ON MY LIST! period.)

2. If you only have 10 minutes to do one of the 3 choices mentioned above, which should you choose?

Answer: It's a trick question. When you're a mom, you do all three in 10 minutes. Let me break it down for you. Poop for 2 minutes, shower for 6, and scarf down that sandwich you slapped together for yourself that last 2 minutes. Boom. Done.

3. If you feel like crying every night after you've "attempted and failed" to put your baby down for the 3rd time that night. You're doing it right.

4. If you wake up the next day and still feel like crying, you should get some pills for that.

5. You're going to reach a point when you feel like if you have to stay up one more minute you're going to die. Just die. Drop dead and die, because in the past 72 hours, only 4 have been used for sleep. When that point hits, your child is going to get sick, start teething, start a new "developmental stage", just be a baby and you're going to sleep EVEN LESS. It's normal.

6. Everything your baby is going through is basically, normal. Gas, reflux, projectile vomit, projectile poop, rashes, bumps, bruises, hours of nursing non stop, hours of staying awake non stop, hours of sleeping non stop....NORMAL! Just tell yourself, what I tell myself. "well, little asian baby can't be the ONLY baby in the history of mankind to have insert whatever problem you are currently experiencing here." and call your doctor. (oh and you don't have to call your baby "little asian baby")

7. Poop is suppose to just squirt out everywhere. It's how the babies initiate you into parenthood. Just clean it up and move on. No need to blog about it! ;)

8. You learn that the only predictable thing about your day is that it will be unpredictable. For the past 4 days your baby has been sleeping at 10am everyday for 2 hrs, so on the 5th day you plan to meet your friends at the mall at noon. Your baby has now decided that she's NOT going to nap at 10am and is going to take her one and only nap at noon. Therefore ruining YOUR only chance to get out of the house the entire week. Yup. That's your life now.

9. You'll FINALLY appreciate the phrase "Silence is Golden"

10. Sooner rather than later, your brain will conveniently erase all those horrible, traumatic, sleep deprived memories of your baby's 1st year of life and not even reading this list will stop you from procreating and doing it all over again.

May the force be with you.

-little asian girl

** Bonus fact 11 **
You'll be late to everything. You'll constantly hear the lady from iron chef doing the countdown while you're running around the house packing the diaper bag, packing the snack bag, packing the stroller bag (30 minutes have elapsed...) and by the time you walk out the front door and get you, your baby and all the baby crap stuff into the car (45 minutes have elapsed....) you will have still forgotten to refill the baby wipe container and will have to wipe your baby's butt with napkins you found in the glove compartment of your car.

...not that I've ever done that.